


Of Leather Jackets and Flower Crowns

by shitfanficmeup



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Brother-Sister Relationships, Child Abuse, Dom Castiel/Sub Dean Winchester, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Fluff, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, M/M, Motorcycles, Pining Dean Winchester, Punk Castiel, Sexual Assault, Sexual Harassment, Smut, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-03-29 05:14:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 35,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13920135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shitfanficmeup/pseuds/shitfanficmeup
Summary: Castiel and Anna Novak roll into town on Castiel's motorcycle. They're polar opposites; Cas wears a leather jacket over his many tattoos, Anna wears a flower crown to compliment her dresses. The moment Dean Winchester sees the brother and sister pair in their high school parking lot, he is instantly curious. Dean wants to pursue a relationship but will Castiel's past experiences keep them apart or can they overcome the blinding anger, desperation, and fear?





	1. Meeting You Was Strange

**Author's Note:**

> Most of these chapters are going to have swearing, some will have homophobic slurs, mentions of abuse/ violence. If any of this makes you uncomfortable, please don't read.  
> Yes, the chapters are short but I promise stick with this story until the end, I won't disappoint.

“Mom? Mom… wake up.” Dean Winchester shook his mother’s pale shoulder, trying to wake her up after an all-night love fest with one of her favorite red wines. Hearing her son's voice pierce through her dreams of crushed metal and flame; her blue eyes opened quickly. It was clear to Dean that she did not get a good night’s rest, something neither of them would admit she desperately needed.

Dean spoke quietly, knowing she would have a pounding headache, “Sammy and I are heading to school now. Do you need anything?”

Mary shook her head, letting her heavy eyes close again and fall back into a restless slumber. Dean made sure to turn her on her side and cover her with their old wool blanket before stepping out the front door, closely followed by his younger brother, Sam, who eagerly followed Dean. He wore an old pair of blue jeans, scuffed from summer baseball games and one of Dean's hand-me-down plaid shirts; his lengthy blonde hair threatening to cover his brown eyes.

It was one month into the school year, a particularly cool October morning but the morning sun still shined bright in the sky. The colorful autumn leaves were starting to wilt and turn brown as winter quickly approaches. The Impala's engine cut through the quietness of the early morning as Dean stepped slightly harder on the gas. Dean could feel the engine spring to life from under his worn-out black converse. The vibrations traveled up his jeans into his stomach and through his hands. These seemingly insignificant moments of peace were Dean's favorites.

Sammy was a freshman and Dean was a senior this year at Lawrence Public High School. This morning, like everyone before, had students piling into the parking lot but Dean still managed to pull into his usual spot next to his best friend Charlie Bradbury’s yellow hatchback.

Charlie and her girlfriend, Jo Harvelle, were busy making out while they leaned on her car’s hood when Dean rolled down his window and yelled, “Hey! There are children here!” Both Charlie and Jo flipped him off.

After Dean parked and he and Sam got out of the car he chuckled and covered Sam’s eyes. “It’s not you two kissing… it’s that hideous car.”

The redhead smacked his arm, "Shut the hell up, Winchester. My yellow beast could beat Baby any day… four-wheel drive baby!” Charlie flashed Dean that smile that he had grown used to; it was warm and familiar. So was the 'ridiculous' novelty t-shirt she was wearing that day. 

Dean feigned shock, “How dare you disrespect a classic American car like that?!"

They teased each other about cars and wardrobe choices, waiting for the first bell of the day until Alastair Stevens pulled up next to them in his disgusting monstrosity of a shit-brown colored pickup truck. Sticking his head out the window he sneered at them, “Hey, fags! Save it for hell, yeah?”

Jo's short blonde self, flipped him off, “Yeah, I got the throne waiting for me, you lanky fuck!” She never was one for backing down; Dean loved her for it.

Alastair growled and peeled off, looking for a parking spot that was far away from the quote-unquote, "Queers" 

“God, I hate him so much.” Dean snarled, trying to push away his anger. 

Alastair had a reputation at their school for being a bit of a dickhead. He tortured anyone and everyone who ‘got in his way’. He took a particular interest in Charlie, Jo, and Dean; the friends tried to tell themselves that he wasn’t worth getting upset over but there was something about the tall, skeletal man that just made their skin crawl. He sent out a terrible energy, a plague almost, that easily infected anyone in a spitting distance.

Their conversation about how terrible Alastair was interrupted by the low, rumbling sound of a motorcycle. They turned their head towards the unfamiliar sound; a few spots down was a tall, muscular boy with messy black hair pulling into a parking space. He turned off his black Harley Sportster 883 after smoothly dropping his kickstand down with his left foot. He had on a beautifully fitting leather jacket, ripped blue jeans that covered the tops of his black biker boots… and no helmet. More unusual than him, was the younger girl sitting behind him. She looked small, probably a freshman. She had on a pretty floral dress and pink tights; her red hair was trapped under a black, full-face helmet.

After the petite girl hopped off the large bike, the guy helped her take off her helmet before fixing her hair and dress. He smiled and took her hand, walking towards the front doors of the brick covered high school. 

Dean’s curious green-eyes followed them as they walked away, “Is that kid new?”

“Has to be, I’ve never seen him before. Why… you think he’s cute?” Chalire jabbed at his ribs and smirked at Dean.

He flicked Charlie’s nose obviously trying to deny the truth of, _'yes, I think he's cute... and hot and seriously a motorcycle?!'_ , “Shut up.”

Hearing the first bell ring out into the parking lot, the four friends walked into school chatting about what they had going on for the rest of their day. But all Dean could think about was how that leather jacket fit on the new kid’s muscular shoulders and how his jeans hugged his strong thighs. His thoughts were cut off when they stopped in front of Sam’s class. They said bye to the youngest Winchester and the older kids kept walking towards their first period classes.

In Mr. Wyatt’s freshman English class, the first thing Sam noticed was the usually empty seat next to him had been taken by the girl who was with Leather Jacket earlier. Sam smiled at her rosy cheeks and invitingly stuck his hand out, “Hi, I’m Sam.” She seemed to consider for a minute before accepting and shaking his hand, “My name’s Anna. Nice to meet you.”

Now that he was closer, Sam noticed the small, delicate, white flower crown perched on top of her head, “So, are you new here?”

She shyly answered, not making too much eye contact, “Yeah, my big brother Castiel and I just moved to town.” They made friendly small talk about Anna's classes until Mr. Wyatt decided to start the lesson for today.

The senior’s first few classes were uneventful until Biology class, their fourth class of the day. Dean and Charlie walked in together and sat down in the middle of the room where they had a good view of the board but still, could easily blend into the room so they were less likely to get called on. That's when Leather Jacket walked into the room and sat in the only empty seat which was two rows in front of them. Dean excitedly grabbed onto Charlie’s arm and whispered, “Dude, the hot kid is sitting in front of us!”

She smacked his hand, which was gripping onto her a little too tightly before whispering back, “So, you do think he’s hot!”

Their teacher, Mrs. Beth, a tall middle-aged woman, stood up and cleared her throat, “We have a new student joining us today. Would you like to introduce yourself, Castiel?”

The deep, gravelly, seemingly laidback voice that filled the room went right to Dean’s head and made him forget his own name, “I think you just did.”

Mrs. Beth pulled a bitch face and scoffed before turning back towards the board and started to teach.

Halfway through class, Charlie poked Dean's flannel covered arm and whispered in a hushed, slightly annoyed tone, “Dean, instead of making goo-goo eyes at him for the rest of your life, why don’t you make the first move for once? Go introduce yourself!”

After arguing with himself for the rest of class Dean decided to actually take Charlie’s advice. He walked up to Leather Jacket or ‘Castiel’ in the busy hallway and gave him a warm smile, “Hey, I’m Dean. Castiel, right?” That’s when he noticed just how blue Castiel’s eyes were. They looked like the sky on a perfect summer day. Before Dean could realize he was staring at him; the other boy answered, “Not interested, thanks.”

Dean scoffed and shook his head, trying to ignore the sting in his chest, as he walked to the lunch room to meet his friends. As usual, Charlie, Jo, and Kevin were sitting at their normal table in the left back corner of the room when Dean walked up to them and sat down, “Hey, where’s Sammy?” His little brother usually sat with them but today he was nowhere to be seen.

Charlie shrugged and pulled out a water bottle from her army-green messenger bag, “No idea. How did your talk with Leather Jacket go?”

Dean cringed, trying not to seem to hurt by the other boy's cold words that still rang in his head, “We need to start calling him Sir Douche Bag.”

Kevin pointed to the other side of the lunchroom; a disbelieving expression forming on his face, “Well, I found Sam. He’s sitting with Sir Douche Bag.”

Dean snapped his head up in a mix of anger and worry and quickly marched over to Castiel, Sam, and Anna. He stopped in front of the table and clenched his fists at his side, “Sam, what are you doing?”

His little brother’s bright, laughing eyes found his, “Hi, Dean. This is Castiel and Anna. Anna asked me if I could sit with her today.”

Dean ran his hand through his short sandy, blonde hair and tried not to stare at Castiel’s piercing blue eyes, “Oh… well, just be careful. You know how some of the upperclassmen can be.” Surprisingly, it was Castiel who answered, “Don’t worry, I’ll watch over him.”

“Thanks… Sam, you know where to find me if you need me.” Dean awkwardly walked back to his table, trying not to worry about his younger brother... or think about the rude boy's beautiful features and how plain unfair it was that the universe would make somebody look so perfect and be such an asshole.

That afternoon when Dean met Sam by the Impala, he looked over and watched as Castiel placed a kiss on Anna's head before tugging his helmet onto her; it seemed habitual almost like he did it everytime he put the helmet on her. Castiel got on his bike and started it up before helping Anna climb on and get comfortable. Castiel carefully backed out of his spot before turning and slowly driving past the Impala.

When Anna saw Sam, she waved at him and smiled (even though he couldn’t see it under her helmet). Castiel quickly reached behind him and gently grabbed Anna’s arm and wrapped it securely back around his waist, saying something Dean couldn't hear.

After their short drive from the school, which only happened to be an easy ten minutes through Lawrence's quiet streets, Castiel and Anna pulled up to their older brother Gabe’s house. Even though he was currently overseas in Germany serving in the military, he had agreed to let them stay at his house. It was a small white ranch house but a million times better than the brother and sister living on the street as their parents were still living in Seattle, Washington. After all, they had moved here on their own to get away from their parents.

Naomi and Chuck Novak had been married for thirty years. Every single of those thirty years was miserable. Chuck was never afraid to throw his wife and kids around, drunk or sober. Luckily, Gabe got out by moving to Lawrence before joining the military but Castiel and Anna were stuck until Castiel turned eighteen and decided to take Anna and move into their brother's house. They were on their own but at least they were safe and together.

Castiel ruffled his sister's hair and smiled down at her, “Go start your homework, kiddo. I’m going to find something for dinner.”

Anna gave her older brother a hug before sitting down at their old kitchen table while Castiel shuffled through their ever-dwindling supply of food. He really needed some more money.

That morning around two o'clock, Anna woke up screaming; the fear of her father finding them was paralyzing. Her screams pierced through the silent house.

  
Castiel jumped out of bed and ran to her room down the hall, ready to protect Anna from anything. When he got to her room, she was still asleep. Her sweat and tears mixed on her face. He brushed her hair back and held her until she stopped sobbing. Castiel internally cursed his father for breaking his sister, for hurting and scaring her and for doing the same to him.


	2. Knowing You Was Hard

The next day wasn't nearly as cold as the last but the October breeze still managed to nip at your nose and ears if you happened to stay out too long. That morning in the parking lot, Castiel and Anna pulled in next to the Winchesters' Impala. The brothers had just arrived at the school and when Sam saw Anna he quickly hopped out of the car and waved at her. She happily waved back and tapped Castiel’s shoulder, trying to get his attention.

Cas turned his head to the left to see Sam’s friendly, smiling face. Castiel turned off his bike and helped Anna with her helmet; and just like the day before he smoothed out her navy blue dress, “Have a good day today, love.” She gave him a quick hug before walking up to Sam.

While the two younger kids walked into school together, Cas strolled up to Dean looking surprisingly apologetic while fiddling with the helmet that was on Anna's head, “Hey man, look, I shouldn’t have been such a dick. You didn’t deserve it.” Cas kept his eyes downcast, not feeling the ability to meet Dean's gaze.

Dean’s greens eyes searched Castiel’s face, he studied the slightly older boy's strong jawline that was covered with scruffy, black stubble, “It’s okay. Let’s start over. I’m Dean, what’s your name?”

Cas offered him a small smirk, “Castiel, but you can call me Cas.”

That’s when Charlie and Jo drove into the parking lot. Excitedly slapping at her girlfriend's arm, Charlie squealed, “Jojo! Look, Dean’s talking to Leather Jacket!” She decided to roll down her window and stick her head out of it before obnoxiously waving and practically screaming, “HI, DEAN!”

Dean rolled his eyes and groaned at his endlessly embarrassing friend.

Holding the helmet under his muscular arm, Cas walked towards the school's front entrance, calling back to the freckled-boy over his shoulder, his deep blue eyes shining in humor, “I’ll see you later, Dean.”

Seething, Dean turned towards the girls who were climbing out of Jo's grey old Mustang, “Thanks, guys… really appreciated that.”

Once they were out of the car, they both took turns ruffling Dean’s short blonde hair. Jo poked fun at his quick change of heart, quoting him from yesterday, “What? I thought he was a douche bag?”

Dean scratched the back of his neck, trying to shrug her off, “I guess he’s not so bad.”

The three friends walked into school, Jo and Charlie were still teasing Dean about his little "man-crush" on Leather Jacket, when Alastair grabbed Dean’s arm and held him against the cold, metal lockers. Alastair's snarled smirk made Dean's stomach churn, “Hey Winchester, how’s your baby bro doing?”

Dean scowled at him, roughly yanking his arm out of Alastair’s nasty, clammy hands, his anger quickly building in his chest, “Don’t fucking talk about him.”

Alastair’s breath was hot against Dean’s ear, “Oh, and why not? He’s so innocent… so impressionable.”

Charlie and Jo start to step in but Dean just shook his head at them; the last thing he wanted would be for Alastair to turn and start messing with them.

With his arm out of the taller man's grasp, Dean shoved Alastair back, just wanting to get as far away from him as possible but Alastair's two favorite goons, Crowley and Zach were on Dean in two seconds, again holding his arms back. Alastair grabbed Dean’s throat and squeezed his bony fingers around it, “Ah, ah, ah… I wouldn’t fuck with me, Winchester. I would hate to see your brother’s pretty little face get messed up.”

Dean spat back, “Get. The. Fuck. Away. From. Me.”

Alastair chuckled and shoved Dean again before tapping Crowley and Zach on their shoulders and walking away.

As soon as they were gone, Charlie and Jo were instantly back at Dean’s side. Jo comfortingly rubbing his tense shoulder the way a little sister might. Her voice was soft and concerned, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, he just pisses me off.” Dean tried to shake off the terrible feeling coursing through him.

It wasn’t too much longer into the day when Alastair found Sam and Anna in the library, working on an English project during their study hall period. He snuck up to them and put one hand on each of the freshman’s shoulders, “Hiya, kiddos. Sammy, this your new little girlfriend? What’s your name, sweetheart?”

Anna tried to hide behind her straight, red hair, “A-Anna Novak.” Under Alastair’s disturbing stare, the young girl squirmed in her seat, obviously uncomfortable.

He ran one of his skeleton-like fingers down her smooth, pale face, “Oh, the new kid’s sister… well, I’ll see you around, baby face.”

Anna, already being a nervous, easily-spooked person was pushed over the edge by Alastair’s disgusting behavior. She started to shake and tear up, clearly upset by the encounter with the upperclassman; her vision blurring around the edges. Sam carefully took her small hand in his, “I know Alastair is terrible. Cas will always protect you and as long as I'm around, I will never let him hurt you.” Anna didn't respond, she just buried her nose in her book for the rest of the period.

As soon as the lunch bell rang, Anna rushed to the front of the lunch room where Cas said he would wait for her. Sam loyally stuck by her side through the busy hallways, trying desperately to offer her any comfort he possibly could.

The minute Anna saw her older brother, she threw her arms around his firm waist, holding herself close against him, breathing in his familiar scent and trying to ground herself. 

Cas instinctively wrapped his arms around his sister; instantly worried and ready to fix any problem she might have.

Her voice still wavered but she tried to be strong through her fear, “I was sitting in the library with Sam and this senior, Alastair, was being creepy and he scared me.”

Sam could see Cas’s eyes go dark; they took on a murderous glare, aimed at the threat that hurt his baby sister.

Cas used his thumb to gently brush away Anna’s tears, “You’re going to show me who Alastair is and then you’re going to stay with Sam, do you understand me?”

Her shaking voice answered him, “Yes, Cassie.”

Inside the cafeteria, Anna shyly pointed out Alastair who was leaning against the wall, waiting for his friends. Following Cas's instructions, she and Sam went to sit with Dean and his friends.

Dean smiled at his little brother and his new friend, “Hey, Sammy. Anna, right?”

The two youngers sat down and it only took a few quick seconds before Jo noticed Anna’s tear stained eyes, “Honey, you okay? Did something— oh shit.” She stopped mid-question and pointed across the cafeteria to where Cas was marching up to Alastair.

When Cas finally got up to him, he grabbed Alastair's collar, picking him up out of his seat, and slamming him against the nearest wall.

Dean and his friends watched with wide, awe-filled eyes as Cas bunched his hands in Alastair’s shirt and got in his face, his deep voice going impossibly deeper, “Listen to me, you slimy piece of shit. Don’t you ever, ever talk to my sister again. You fucking hear me?”

Alastair laughed. Cas's rage completely consumed him; he grabbed onto Alastair's hollow cheeks, “I will fucking destroy you.”

Again, Alastair snickered and started to sneer something back but was cut off by the harsh impact Cas’s fist on the left side of his face; which instantly knocked him out. The entire lunchroom sucked in a simultaneous harsh breath, including Dean’s table, when Alastair fell to the floor completely unconscious.

The teachers on lunch duty were on Cas in two seconds, leading him out of the cafeteria and up to the principal’s office while checking on a still unconscious Alastair. The friends stared at each other in complete shock, until Dean finally spoke up in a low, cautious voice, “Anna… why did your brother just knock out Alastair?”

The small redhead looked upset but slightly proud of her older brother, “He was being really creepy and he made me upset.” Anna started to stand up and tried to leave, “I have to go see Cassie. Make sure he’s okay—.”

Charlie quickly took her hand, trying to reassure the nervous thirteen-year-old, “He’s going to be in the office for a while, why don’t you just say here?” Anna reluctantly sat back down so Charlie continued, “So, you’re new here, why don’t you tell us about yourself?”

“Well, right now, Cassie and I are staying at our brother, Gabriel’s house. He’s in Germany, he’s in the military.”

It was Dean who ended up asking the uncomfortable question on everyone's mind, “Where are your parents?”

Anna falters for a moment, “Oh… they’re still in Seattle.” No one pushes it any further.

Despising awkward silences and desperate to move on from this one, Jo smiled at the sad girl, “So, Anna… what do you do for fun?”

Her sweet brown eyes lit up, “Well, I like spending time with my brother but I also like making clothing and flower crowns.” She pointed to the red and pink one she had on her head.

Charlie and Jo both made the same ‘awwee’ sound while Dean just chuckled and shook his head in disbelief, “You know you’re like the exact opposite of your brother, right?”

Anna didn’t look embarrassed instead, she giggled and leaned towards Dean’s ear and whispered, “Just a secret between us? When I make a flower crown for him, he wears it around the house and you know what? I think he kind of likes it.”

Dean threw his head back laughing at the image of Cas in his leather jacket and spiky black hair with a dainty little flower crown on. Then the thought manages to sneak its way into his mind,  _'I would love to see that... I bet he looks hot.'_

Jo spoke up again, “What about Cas? What’s he like?”

This time, Anna seemed to beam with pride, “He’s the best big brother in the world. He seems super scary and tough but he is actually really sweet.”

Dean had a hard time believing that after he just watched Cas knock out one of the toughest kids in school. However, he didn’t have a lot more time to think about it as fifteen minutes later, the lunch bell rang signaling the start of their next class. After seeing how much what happened earlier today effected her, Dean offered to walk Anna to her class.

They didn’t end up talking much on the way but once they got to the classroom, Anna gave Dean a quick hug. It was short and sweet but got her point across; it was a thank you. Dean decided maybe the Novaks aren’t so strange, after all.

That afternoon in the parking lot, Dean, Charlie, Jo, and Sam made plans to go to the Roadhouse after school. The Roadhouse was a small diner owned by Ellen Harvelle and Bobby Singer, Jo’s parents; it served as the friend’s usual hangout.

Sam and Dean were getting into the Impala, going to meet Charlie and Jo who were already on their way their, “Dean?”

The older brother hummed in response and waited for his brother to continue, “I was wondering if I could ask Cas and Anna to come to the Roadhouse with us?”

Dean didn't think it was such a bad idea after the eventful day they all had; maybe a burger and some laughs would do everyone some good, “Sure, Sammy.”

The brothers waited on the hood of the Impala for Cas and Anna to walk out, when they finally did walk towards Cas’s Harley, Sam bounced up to them, “Hey, guys! We were just wondering if you wanted to go to the Roadhouse with us to grab some lunch?”

Anna looked up at Cas with hopeful eyes, “Please, Cassie!”

Cas actually looked crush to have to say no to his little sister, “I’m sorry, love. I have to work today.”

Dean quickly stepped in, seeing Anna’s slight pout, “We can give her a ride home later, it’s no biggie.”

Cas thought for a minute, carefully considering Dean’s offer, “Well… I guess that’s okay. Just be safe, okay?”

Anna broke into a huge smile and hugged her brother. Cas felt her slight shiver, “Are you cold?” Without waiting for her answer, Cas quickly stripped off his leather jacket and wrapped it around her small, shivering shoulders. It looked like she was drowning in the dark jacket.

That was the first time Dean saw Cas without his sleek, black jacket; his grey t-shirt perfectly showed off his tattoo-covered arms. The black and white art was highlighted by a few well-placed spots of color. The pattern of black intricate lines and shading outlined his muscles in the most beautiful way imaginable. Dean really did try his best not pop a boner in front of everyone thinking about those strong muscular arms holding him as Cas-- whoa. Cas doesn't even like him that much. Dean quickly shook the thought out of his head.

Sam and Anna piled into the backseat, excitingly giggling to each other, while Dean met Cas at his motorcycle, “Are you okay after everything that happened with Alastair today?”

Cas scoffed and adjusted his t-shirt on his shoulders, “I’ve punched guys much bigger, much harder. He doesn’t scare me… but he does scare Anna and I'm not taking that shit. Dean please, take care of my sister.”

Dean nodded in understanding, knowing exactly what it's like to be a protective older brother, “Of course, she’ll get home safe. What time are you working until?”

Cas dug through one of the small bags on his bike and pulled out a red and black flannel, “Seven.”

Dean tried to take his eyes off of Cas’s strong body as the black haired boy pulled plaid shirt, “You sure she’ll be okay alone for that long?”

Cas’s blue eyes flashed up at Dean, “Are you trying to say something about how I take care of my sister?”

Dean looked genuinely confused at the sudden change of tone, “What? Dude, no!”

Pulling on his helmet, Cas snipped back at him, “She’s fine. I’ll talk to you whenever.”

Dean stood in complete shock at how quickly their conversation turned; how Cas’s beautiful blue eyes turned from clear to murderous in seconds. Standing in the same spot watching Cas drive away, the same sting in his chest came back from yesterday. Why did he care? After all, it’s not like he and Cas were dating or even friends for that matter… he had made that painfully obvious.

Dean slumped into the driver’s seat, “Anna, your brother is kind of a hardass.” He ran his hands over the steering wheel, concerned at how somebody who he had only known for two days had such a strong hold over his emotions.

She nodded understandingly but supplied, “He means well.” Dean suppressed the urge to scoff and roll his eyes.

When they arrived at the Roadhouse, Charlie and Jo were sitting at their usual table. A small round table in the corner of the old diner; the seats were just one large booth, covered with an old vinyl red cushion. ‘J.H’ ‘C.B’ ‘D.W’ and ‘S.W’ were written on the center of the table in black sharpie. Ellen had been angry that her daughter and friends had marked up one of her tables but after a while, the initials grew on her too.

When they walked in, Ellen greeted Dean, Sam, and Anna with a smile as they passed the counter, towards the two girls. They lit up when they saw that Anna was with the brothers, “Hey! You came!”

Jo grabbed a menu for her, “Pick anything, it’s all good here.”

Anna decided on a strawberry milkshake and a small fry. The food was very good, better than the frozen, cheap stuff she and Cas usually had to buy.

While the friends enjoyed their delicious food, Cas cruised down Central Ave until he pulled his bike into Singer’s Auto Shop. He was greeted by a surly looking man who was wearing a baseball cap and his dirty work clothes.

After turning off his bike, Cas walked up to the older man, wanting to be friendly and respectful, “Hi, Bobby. Thanks again for the job.”

Bobby Singer shook Cas’s outstretched hand, “Of course, as soon as I saw your bike and found out that you fixed it up yourself, I knew you’d be a great help with fixing up the pile of old bikes I have behind the shop.”

Cas got started right away with a pretty banged up looking Harley Street 750. It would need at least new brakes, paint, a new seat, and some improvements to the engine if Bobby was going to turn a profit. He couldn't wait to fix it up and get the motor running at full strength again.

Dean, Sam, Charlie, Jo, and Anna chatted for a while about lots of different things; the school, what to do around town, classes, and funny stories. The conversation stayed light and happy until two hours had passed. As they got up to leave, Anna pulled out a ten-dollar bill from her small white wallet.

Jo smiled at her, “Don’t worry about it. My parents own the place.” She winked and gently nudged Anna’s side with her elbow.

Back in the Impala, Sam and Dean dropped Anna off at home. Before she left, she smiled at the two boys, “Thank you guys for letting me come with you today, I had a lot of fun.” Dean smiled at her in the back seat, “Anytime. You sure you’ll be okay alone until Cas comes home?”

She seemed quite proud of her answer, “Yup, he comes home from the shop in a few hours and I know how to lock everything until then.”

Dean couldn’t help it, he let his curiosity get the better of him, “The shop?”

“Yeah, the local auto shop.”

Dean laughed at the implication, knowing exactly which shop it was and more specifically who owned it, “Awesome.”


	3. Wanting You Was Worse

“Cas! When you’re done with that one, I got a Street Glide for you!” Bobby’s deep voice boomed through the dusty old shop's empty halls.

Cas called back, “Alright, I should be done soon!” The Street 750 was coming along nicely for only having a day of work on it. The new parts were running perfectly and the red paint was starting to shine up well.

His steady, experienced hands were putting the finishing touches on the bike when a familiar voice snapped him out of his meditative state, “Cas?”

The black-haired boy turned around, worry spreading across his face, “Dean? What are you doing here? Is Anna okay?!”

Dean froze in place and put his hands up in defense, “Whoa dude, take a breath. She’s safe at home, I dropped her off a little while ago. I just came by to see Bobby.” That wasn’t necessarily the whole truth; Dean wanted to see Bobby but he also wanted to talk to Cas more after their tense conversation. As much as he willed himself to, he couldn't seem to stay away from Cas.

Cas turned back around to try and refocus on the job at hand. But, with Dean’s beautiful, strong, lean body standing a few feet away from him, he found it increasingly difficult to focus on the bike instead of Dean.

Cas knew he’d been an asshole to the younger boy but after what happened in Seattle, he was desperate to stay in the closet here. He couldn’t have that happen again. The truth was, from the first time Cas saw Dean he was taken by his sparkling green eyes and charismatic smile. His body was thin but muscular and Cas wanted to kiss and mark every part of him and that scared the hell out of him so he did what he does best; deny, lie to himself, and push other people away.

Dean flopped down in a folding chair and offered Cas one of the two cold beers he had in his hand, “Bike looks good, man. Want one?”

Cas sat in the other chair and gladly accepted the cool beverage from Dean, “Thanks.”

Dean tried not to stare as Cas wrapped his plump, pink lips around the bottle and took a long drink. He tried not to listen to Cas groan as the cool, amber liquid quenched his thirst. However, Dean couldn’t help himself; he was completely infatuated with the Cas. The way his hair stood up when he ran his fingers through it, how his muscles moved under his tattoos, how the black ink seemed to seamlessly flow over his body, and then there were his eyes. They were the holy water that Dean wanted to be baptized in, the oceans that he could drift away on, a beacon of light he desperately wanted to cling to.

Realizing he was staring intently at the other boy's face, Dean quickly said, “I like your tattoos.”

Surprisingly, Cas actually laughed and that beautiful sound made Dean’s heart cramp. Even more shocking than his laugh were the words that came out of his mouth, “Thanks, you should see my back.”

Dean choked on his beer and started coughing, trying to get his mind back from whatever planet it just zapped off to.

Cas’s face fell; his usual steeled, cold expression overtaking his smile, “I was just joking. Didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

Wanting desperately to get back to how relaxed Cas was a minute ago, Dean said the first thing that came to his mind, “You didn’t. I would actually take you up on that offer.” Feeling ridiculously exposed and uncomfortable after that admission, Dean started to play with the label of his bottle to try and hide the blush that spread across his freckled cheeks.

Cas smirked and downed the last half of his beer before getting up to double check the bike. He tried to sound uninterested and laidback but his heart was thumping so loud in his chest, he was worried he wouldn't be able to hear Dean's answer, “So you’re gay? Or bi, I guess?”

Dean shifted restlessly in his seat, “Um… yeah, I’m bi.” He kept picking at the bottle’s label and was about to ask Cas the same thing back when Bobby’s voice once again boomed through the garage, “WHICH ONE OF YOU IDJITS TOOK MY BEER?”

The two teens gave each other the classic ‘oh shit’ look before Dean groaned and yelled back, “ME!”

“DEAN WINCHESTER, I OUGHT TO BEAT YOU UPSIDE THE HEAD!”

Dean took another drink as a silent rebellion, “RELAX, OLD MAN. YOU’RE GOING TO GIVE YOURSELF A HEART ATTACK!”

Cas smiled at how the family members interacted with each other, “So, you’re close with Bobby?”

The smile quickly fell from Dean’s lips, “Yeah, he’s like a father to me but he is actually Jo’s dad… my real dad died four years ago.”

“Oh shit, I’m sorry.”

It was obvious Dean tried to brush off the sadness, “It’s alright, been a while. It’s getting easier.” He knew it didn't sound convincing but he hoped Cas wouldn't push it any further.

Thankfully, Cas just nodded in response before starting up the bike and revving the engine a few times. The engine sounded perfect and judging by Cas’s prideful smile, he knew it.

Once the bike was off again, Dean asked a question that wasn’t about death, “So, you’re good with bikes?”

“Guess so, I basically built mine from scratch.”

Dean was genuinely impressed with that, “Wow, dude. Your bike looks awesome.”

Cas turned around to face Dean, “Thanks… you know, we could go for a ride sometime. On one condition, you take me for a drive in that beast of a car.” Dean tried to ignore Cas's subtle fidgeting with the bike's keys.

He felt a burst of pride at the praise of his car, “Deal. When the drunk driver hit and killed my dad in it, I rebuilt it with Bobby. It’s kind of how I dealt with his death.”

“Well, you should be proud of yourself. It’s amazing.”

Maybe Anna was right, maybe Cas really is sweet once you get to know him.

That’s when Bobby walked in and threw a dirty rag at Cas's chest, which he easily caught before any of the grease got smeared on his shirt, “Hey, am I paying you to work or talk?”

Cas gave the bike one more once-over before handing the keys to Bobby, “Sorry, she’s all done.”

The old man’s demeanor quickly changed, “Thank you, good job on her.” He turned to Dean, “You staying for dinner?”

“Yeah, Sammy is still running around here somewhere, probably out back playing with the junkers. I just have to go home and pick up mom.”

Bobby turned to Cas and patted his shoulder, “Why don’t you take a break and have some dinner with us?” He always was an open person; inviting strangers in need or his employees over for a drink or a meal.

“Thank you but I promised my sister she wouldn’t be alone for dinner tonight.”

Bobby looked slightly worried, “She alone?”

“For right now.”

An unreadable look crossed Bobby’s face, “Head home early, Novak. Someday when your parents are home, stay for dinner.”

Dean expected Cas to correct Bobby but he didn’t, he just smiled and said thank you.

Cas cleaned up the garage as Bobby left but Dean stuck around, his curiosity biting at his brain, “You’re not going to tell him it’s just you guys?”

Cas turned around, looking absolutely livid, “How do you know that?”

Dean panicked, he had no idea that it was supposed to be a secret, “Anna mentioned it at lunch.”

Cas ran his hands through his hair, the grease and sweat that was on his hands transferred into his black hair, “Listen, I don’t need to be judged for how I choose to live my life and I sure as shit don’t need anyone telling me how to raise my sister. If you don’t like it, you can fuck off.”

Dean sat in silence for a minute before walking over to Cas and gently grabbing his forearm. Even though Cas pulled away from the soft touch, he thankfully didn’t walk away.

“I think Anna is a great girl. Whatever you’re doing, you’re doing a good job. I didn’t mean to invade your privacy.” Dean spoke gently, not wanting to make the situation any worse. Cas and he had just gotten back to being friendly, the last thing he wanted was to go messing something up. 

Cas genuinely looked guilty at how Dean’s eyes looked hurt, “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t lose my temper like that, you don’t deserve it.” He took a deep breath and grabbed his flannel, unelegantly tugging it onto his tired arms.

Dean took a shy step back, realizing how close the two were standing, “It’s okay. I’ll walk out with you?”

They walked out to Cas’s motorcycle where Dean had also parked the Impala. As Cas was getting onto his bike Dean just couldn’t help himself, “I noticed you give Anna your helmet when you’re together. You really should wear one too.”

Thankfully, Cas didn’t get upset by the comment. Instead, he smirked and pulled on his helmet before flipping up the eye guard, “Thanks, mom. I’ll get right on that.”

Dean rolled his eyes as Cas started up his bike, “Fuckin’ smart ass.” He watched Cas drive off, a little too fast for Dean’s comfort level. He couldn't help but notice how relaxed the slightly older boy looked; had one had steering and the other hanging loosely by his side, he looked at home on that bike.

When Cas got home ten minutes later, he wrapped Anna in a big hug, “Hello, love. What have you been up to tonight?”

She beamed up at him and held out a small white flower crown made out of Marigolds and Primroses, "I got bored after my homework was done so I made this for you." Cas gladly took it and placed it on his messy head of hair. He wore it for the rest of the night.

Back at the Winchester’s, Dean was trying to pry the bottle of wine out of Mary’s determined hands, “Mom, come on. We told Bobby and Ellen that we would have dinner with them tonight.”

Eventually, with much fighting and griping from Mary, Dean managed to drag her back to the Harvelle-Singer’s house. During dinner of country fried steak and mashed potatoes, Sam went on and on about Anna but he left out a detail that Dean gladly supplied, “Anna is Cas’s sister.”

“Oh, that’s nice, he’s a good kid.” Bobby looked up from his plate and made stern eye contact with Jo and Dean, “Right?”

Their answers were slow in response to the strange question but Sam’s wasn’t, “Yeah. He’s super nice. Alastair was being mean to Anna so Cas knocked him out.” Maybe not the best answer but the three teens hoped the adults would see what Sam was trying to say.

Elle frowned at that but not for the reason they thought, “Oh, that Alastair. He’s the one who smashed out on the Roadhouse’s windows. I’m glad he got his ass beat. The more I hear about this Cas kid, the more I like him.” She nudged Dean’s foot under the table and winked at him. Dean’s face was so red, it looked like he was going to explode. Somehow, Ellen always managed to pick up on the smallest things.

The next day when Cas dropped Anna off at school, he hugged her for a long time, soothingly rubbing his hand on her back, “Love, I promise you’ll be okay.”

Jo and Charlie, who had arrived a minute before, walked up to them, “Hey guys, everything okay?’

“Yeah, Anna is just nervous about me not being in school.” For punching Alastair in the lunchroom, Cas received three days suspension. He didn't mind as long as Alastair kept his distance from Anna.

Anna clung to Cas’s sleeve and tried to take a few deep breaths as the cool fall air blew through her long red hair.

Charlie put a hand on her small shoulder, “Hey, it’s okay. You can hang out with Jo and me today.”

Cas gently dried Anna’s eyes with his thumb and kissed her forehead, “Come on, love. You can do this. I’ll be right here waiting when you get out.”

She sniffed and tightly hugged him, “Okay, Cassie.”

The three girls sat on the hood of Charlie’s car and watched as Cas tugged his helmet on and started to drive out of the parking lot. That’s when Alastair pulled in and purposely steered towards Cas, trying to hit him with his pickup truck. Cas dodged him, loudly revved his engine before flipped him off and driving away from the high school.


	4. Being Close Was Torture

Three days later, it was Friday and the last day of Cas’s suspension. Anna and Sam were sitting alone at lunch and that’s when Sam finally summoned up the courage and carefully took Anna’s hand and stuttered out his question, “Anna, would you like to go to the movies with me today?”

Anna’s cheeks matched the color of her hair, “I would like that.” She leaned over and shyly kissed Sam’s equally blushing cheek.

After lunch, Sam bounced up to Dean, excited to tell him his news, “Guess what?! I asked Anna out and she said yes! Do you think you could drive us to the movies tonight?”

Dean gave his little brother a high-five before ruffling his shaggy hair, “One, good job. Two, you’ll have to ask Cas if it’s okay.” Dean had started to get an idea of what Cas was like and he knew that Cas would want to know about this before Dean says anything for sure.

After the last bell of the day rang, Dean, Sam, and Anna walk to where Cas is waiting. They found him leaning against his bike wearing a black tank top covered with a thick red flannel and the same pair of ripped blue jeans. Dean’s green eyes traveled down his body a few times before snapping himself out of his trance.

As soon as Cas saw Anna’s puppy-dog eyes he knew he was in for it, “Alright, what are you going to ask for?” He knew the look by heart, "Cassie, could I have lasagna for dinner?" "Can we go look for flowers?" "Can we go to the thrift store for fabric?" "I need more pins."; He never could tell her no.

“Can Sam and I go to the movies today?” He wanted to make her happy but this? A date?

Judging by Cas’s face, Dean feared for his little brother’s life, “What like a date?!" His angry blue eyes quickly found Dean's, he growled, "Dean… can I talk to you?”

Dean followed Cas away from their siblings. He forced his eyes to meet Cas's close, intense stare, “I don’t know about you but I don’t want them going alone.”

Dean agreed and at the same time they both said, “I’ll go.”

It was awkward for a few quiet seconds until Dean managed to get the words out, “Why don’t we both go? I can pick you up at seven?”

Cas knows that his plan to stay in the closet already wasn’t going well and this definitely wasn’t going to help. Before he could stop himself he answered, “Sounds good.”

When they turned to walk back to their siblings, Cas's eyes traced down Dean's body, stopping at his ass. It was firm and round in his snug jeans. Cas's mouth watered at the thought of Dean bent over for him. Sufficiently frustrated, Cas climbed on the Sportster before helping Anna with her helmet then waiting for her to hop on the back of the bike. Before they could drive away, Dean tapped Cas’s shoulder, pointed at his own head and mouthed, ‘helmet’.

Cas flipped him off and smirked before driving away.

That night at five o'clock, Anna changed about four times before Cas stuck his head in her room and smiled warmly at her in her teal skirt and white sweater, “Love, you look perfect. It’s just Sam, don’t worry about it.” That’s when Dean honked his horn from outside.

The siblings quickly walked outside into the brisk air, Cas opened Anna’s door for her before sliding into the passenger seat. Cas smiled at Dean, “This car is awesome.”

He could feel Dean's eyes on his thighs. Cas would deny it but he put on a slightly tighter pair of pants to try and gauge Dean's reaction. So far, it seemed pretty positive.

The two youngers in the backseat were very awkward. Somehow labeling this a ‘date’ changed how Sam and Anna interacted. Dean and Cas had to stifle their laughter at the uncomfortable silence that filled the car and it was almost impossible to do so by the time they arrived at the theater.

Sam bought him and Anna tickets while Cas bought them for him and Dean. Meanwhile, Dean and Anna got snacks. Anna looked at the wall of snacks for a while before glancing up at Dean, “What snacks does Sam like?”

Dean thought for a minute, surveying the snack choices, “Red Vines.”

Anna smiled and grabbed two packages, handing one to Dean, “So does Cassie.”

They decided on watching a horror movie; one that just came out about a boy with freaky ESP powers who has to kill the devil by drinking demon blood. Totally unrealistic but still creepy as hell.

Dean and Cas sat in the row directly behind Sam and Anna in the dar and fairly busy movie theater. As the movie progresses, Sam and Anna jump and let out muffled screams before laughing with each other. They were having a good time but Dean was genuinely scared. He had his eyes tightly closed and his hand was gripping onto the armrest.

Cas was mostly unamused with the movie and kept eating his sweet, red candy. Slowly, he was getting annoyed with Dean’s jumping so he begrudgingly stuck his hand out.

Dean gladly took it and held on for dear life. Cas had to fight the urge to smile at how cute Dean looked with his face all scrunched up. He fought it back with everything he had but he still couldn’t make himself drop his friend's hand.

About half-way through the movie, Dean and Cas saw Sam and Anna share a light kiss. At the same time, they both lifted one foot and kicked the back of their chairs. Their younger sibling’s faces both turned red as they started to pay attention to the movie again.

Not too long after that, Dean let his thumb slowly graze over Cas’s uneven, scarred knuckles.

In Cas's mind that was too much like a loving touch, which he definitely does not do. He quickly dropped Dean’s freckled hand and crossed his arms. They didn’t look at each other or talk the rest of the movie.

When the movie was over and they were walking back to the Impala, Alastair, Crowley, and Zach walked past them in the parking lot. Alastair stalked up to Anna and brushed his fingers down the goosebumps on her arm, “My, my look who it is… my little Anna.”

Cas shoved him away from her, very hard, “Didn’t you learn your lesson, asshole?” Cas was having absolutely none of that tonight. He pulled out the switchblade he kept in his jeans pocket and held it up to Alastair’s throat, “Stay the fuck away from my sister.”

Crowley and Zach start to run towards Cas but when Anna starts to get upset, Cas pulled away not wanting to see his baby sister's tears tonight, “This is your last warning, Alastair.”

After the three goons walked away, Cas turned back around to where Dean was holding Anna and Sam behind his back.

They all walked back to the Impala and Dean can’t help but feel slightly scared of but mostly attracted to the boy sitting next to him. The drive back to Cas’s was silent but when they got there, Dean and Cas decided to sit on the front steps to give Sam and Anna some (still supervised) alone time.

Cas pulled out his shiny metal flask and took a long drink before handing it to Dean.

The younger boy took a slightly smaller sip and coughed at the dark whiskey that warmed from his throat to his stomach, “Holy… that’s like gasoline.”

Cas smirked and took back the flask, “Guess so.” After sitting in silence for a minute Cas asked, “Hey, what’s Alastair’s deal anyway?”

Dean scrubbed a hand over his face, “Nobody knows, he moved here half-way through Sophomore year. He is psychotic.”

Cas easily recognized the painful tone in Dean’s voice, “He ever mess with you?”

Dean shrugged, “Sometimes, but it’s not me I’m worried about. He messes with Jo and Charlie and says fucked up things about Sammy.”

Cas frowned and took another long drink, “I can’t fucking stand him.”

Dean held his hand out for the flask again but Cas shook his head, “No, man. You’re driving. Come over some other time and get drunk.”

Trying to hide his blush Dean fussed with his brown, leather bracelet, “You’re confusing, you know that, right?”

Again, Cas laughed, “Yeah, sorry about that.”

“You asked me the other day but I never got a chance to ask you… are you gay?”

Cas wanted to lie. He needed to protect himself and Anna. Moving again right now wasn’t an option. But something about the hopeful look in Dean’s eyes made the truth come flying out of his mouth, “Yeah.” He took another drink. Trying to change the subject, Cas pointed to the bracelet on Dean’s wrist, “Your boyfriend or girlfriend give that to you?” Another drink.

“No, Sammy did.”

“Oh.” Another drink.

Cas was reminding Dean of his mother, he needed to change the subject before his tears started to fall. Luckily, Cas beat him to it, “What do you think they’re doing in there?”

Dean laughed, “Knowing Sammy, probably talking about a book.”

“He’s a good kid, Dean.”

Hearing Cas say his name sent a shiver down Dean’s spine. He tried to control the blush that spread up his neck as he thought about Cas groaning his name as he slammed into Dean over and over again. He thought about Cas’s strong hands gripping onto Dean’s hips as he fucked him until Dean was a sobbing and—.”

“Dean? Are you okay?”

“Oh… yeah… sorry.” Dean’s blush grew as he willed his boner to go away.

A few minutes later, Anna came bounding up the steps, “I had an awesome time, thank you guys!”

As Cas and Dean stood up to say their goodbyes they both found themselves staring at each other for far too long.

“See you at school, Cas.”

“See you then.”

Sunday, Dean and Jo worked at the Roadhouse. While they were busying themselves getting ready for the dinner rush, Jo nonchalantly said, “I heard you and Cas went on a date…”

Dean froze but then continued wiping down the bar, “Okay, one, it wasn’t a date. Sam and Anna went on a date and we supervised and two, how did you hear this?”

“I ran into Crowley yesterday and he mentioned that you and he were walking out of the movies together.”

Dean sighed and angrily scrubbed the old wooden bar, “He needs to mind his own business.”

Jo let her curiosity get the better of her, “So… what’s Cas really like?”

“He’s so confusing.” Dean thumped his head on the counter and groaned, “He’s so sweet sometimes but then he pulls away and gets so aggressive with Alastair and other people. I just… he’s confusing. He is a nice guy though, I think you’d get along with him.”

“You should ask him to sit with us Monday… or ask him now.”

Dean quickly lifted his head and looked towards the entrance where Cas had just walked in. His black hair looked particularly disheveled and he had a stripe of grease on his shirt and one across his forehead.

Cas strolled up to the bar, “Hey, Dean. Hi, Jo.” He had on a grey t-shirt and low hanging light blue jeans. He looked completely stunning.

What came out of Dean’s mouth was, “Hey, Cas. What can I do for you?” But what went through his mind was, ‘Anything. I’d do anything you want. Just ask. Please, god.’

“Bobby asked me to pick up lunch, he said his usual.”

Jo laughed and walked into the kitchen to get Bobby’s hamburger, leaving Dean and Cas alone.

“Anything for you?”

Cas sat down on a bar stool in front of Dean, “No, thanks.”

“You sure? I know Bobby works you hard.”

“Yeah, I’m alright.” Cas ran his fingers through his hair, trying to smooth it down. It didn’t work at all.

Dean walked into the back and came back a minute later with a cold bottle of coke. He slid it across the bar to Cas, “Here, on the house.” He gestured towards himself with his index finger, asking Cas to lean in towards him. Cas leaned forward so his face was next to Dean’s.

Trying to ignore how Cas smelt like sandalwood cologne and the auto shop, Dean whispered to him, “Don’t drink it until you get back to the shop… I put a little bit of whiskey in it.”

Cas only pulled away a few inches before smirking at Dean, catching the slight blush on his freckled cheeks and the shine in his green eyes, “You’re the best.”

“Hey… wouldyouwanttositwithusonMonday?”

Cas could see how nervous Dean was to ask such a small thing. It was really endearing, “Sure, Dean.”

Jo came out a minute later with Bobby’s food, “Tell my dad I said hi.”

“Will do, it’s nice to see you, Jo.” Cas started to walk away but not before sliding a napkin across the bar with his number on it to Dean. He winked and walked away, knowing full-well Dean was staring at his ass. He was.

Dean stood shocked in place until Cas was gone. As soon as it was just him and Jo again, “Holy shit!” He held up the napkin to Jo.

“So… he likes you?”

At this point, Dean had no idea what was going on anymore, “I think so?”


	5. The Pain Was Unbearable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of domestic violence/death/abuse

Dean, Sam, Cas, Anna, Charlie, and Jo had gotten into a routine of meeting each other in the parking lot every day so they could chat for a few minutes before walking into school together. Their usual morning greetings were friendly and calm but on Monday when Cas came back to school; their morning was anything but.

He parked his motorcycle next to the Impala as usual but when he and Anna walked up to their friends they noticed a few things. One, this was the first day since they knew Anna that she wasn’t wearing a flower crown. Two, Cas’s usually flawless face was covered in purple and yellow bruises and a still-bloody cut, his knuckles were in a similar, if not worse state. Anna clung to his hand, refusing to let go.

Dean gaped at him with worried eyes, “Whoa, Cas. What the hell happened to you?”

“Nothing.”

Cas and Anna walk towards the school, leaving the four other friends alone to give each other strange looks. Dean turned to Jo and shrugged, “I told you, Jo… he’s confusing.”

At lunch that day, Anna sat down with everyone but Cas was nowhere to be seen.

Kevin smiled up at her from his calculus notes, “Hey, Anna. Where’s your big brother?”

“Bathroom I think.” She shrugged, knowing that nothing could be done if he wanted to be alone.

Dean could barely take his worry and curiosity anymore, “What happened to him, anyway?”

The look of desperation that plagued her face broke everyone’s heart, “I don’t know. He won’t tell me, he just came home like that last night.”

Dean quickly excused himself to go find the mess of a mystery wrapped in leather while his friends occupied Sam and Anna, asking questions about their date.

After checking the first floor bathrooms, Dean made his way up Lawrence High's west wing staircase. He had lots of memories at this school, most of them the usual teenager experiences. He had his first kiss in the gymnasium during a freshman dance, his father taught him to drive in the empty parking lot on a Sunday, he vividly remembers his first-day-jitters but this was something new. He never had to find his ridiculously hot and bloody friend-not-friend-maybe-a-friend-crush in a bathroom and try to have a normal conversation about his feelings.

In the usually locked second-floor boy’s bathroom, Dean found Cas splashing cold water on his face; he looked stressed and almost nauseous.

Dean sighed at the steady drip of blood coming from split open knuckles. Without saying a word, Dean soaked a paper towel in cool water before walking up to Cas and taking his bloody right hand in his.

Cas's voice cracked but whether it was from emotion or pain, Dean couldn't tell, “Dean, stop.” Cas tried to pull his hand away, not wanting to drag the sweet green-eyed boy into his mess.

Dean gave him a stern look, successfully shutting Cas up. The older boy let Dean clean his knuckles and eventually stood still while Dean gently took his stubble covered chin into his hand and cleaned off the gash that was on his cheekbone. When Cas's injuries were clean, Dean spoke softly to him without making eye contact, “Cas, you don’t have to tell me what happened but are you okay?”

“Yes.” Cas pulls out his flask and drank from it. Dean tried to ignore it.

They both walked back to the lunch room together in silence. When they finally got back to the table, Charlie smiled up at them, “Hey, you found him!” Before sitting down, Cas wrapped an arm around Anna and gave her a kiss on her forehead.

That night, Dean sent Cas a text at seven o’clock.

D: ‘Hey, it’s Dean.’  
C: ‘Hey, what’s up?’  
D: ‘Helping Sammy with homework. What about you?’  
C: ‘Holding pins for Anna. She’s making a skirt.’  
D: ‘We’re good big brothers’  
C: ‘Guess so. Text me for a reason?’  
D: ‘My mom is just being my mom.’  
C: ‘What do you mean?’  
D: ‘She’s drunk… again.’  
C: ‘Need to get out of the house?’  
D: ‘Yeah but I can’t leave Sammy alone.’  
C: ‘Some other time then?’  
D: ‘Yeah, you still owe me that ride.’  
C: ‘Anna needs me, talk to you later.’  
D: ‘Sounds good.’

It was eleven o’clock when Dean texted Cas again, praying he was still awake.

D: ‘That offer still on the table?’  
C: ‘Be there in five.’

Dean was sitting on his front steps anxiously jiggling his leg when Cas pulled up. The rumble of his bike cut through the quiet, stillness of the night. Dean stood up and quickly walked over to Cas’s sleek bike, zipping up his thick sweatshirt. 

  
Cas tugged off his helmet and ran his fingers through his unruly hair, “Here, put this on.” Dean shyly took the helmet out of Cas's outstretched hand and tugged it onto his head; after fumbling with the strap for a minute, Cas leaned towards him and quickly secured it, “Hop on.”

Dean carefully swung his left leg over the back of the bike and held onto the black leather seat, trying to talk himself into believing he wasn't about to die.

Cas reached behind him and grabbed Dean’s slightly shaking wrists, sensing how nervous and tense he was, “Hold onto me.” He wrapped the younger boy’s flannel covered arms around his waist, causing Dean to scoot forward and lean against Cas’s back. He couldn’t deny how great it felt to be pushed up against Cas; it felt grounding and secure.

When Dean felt steady behind him, Cas revved his bike and drove off. He felt Dean tighten his arms around his stomach and take an uneven breath so Cas kept his speed low as they cruised down empty back roads. Dean allowed himself to enjoy the feeling of freedom and liberation as the trees quickly zoomed past them. Eventually, when Dean started to relax Cas sped up and pulled onto the highway.

After doing a few loops of neighboring towns and spending almost two hours quietly riding together, Dean pointed towards the Roadhouse when they got back to Lawrence. When they got to the diner, Dean ran inside to grab two cheeseburgers while Cas parked his bike.

With their cheeseburgers in hand, the two boys sat on a bench that was in front of the Roadhouse.

Cas bumped his shoulder against Dean’s, “You don’t have to tell me what happened but are you okay?” Mimicking Dean's question from earlier.

Dean offered him a weak smile, “Yeah, just needed to get out for a little bit. Thanks for getting me.”

“Anytime.”

They sat in silence until they were done eating and that’s when Cas’s phone rang, “Anna? What’s wrong?” Cas stood up and started pacing, nervously running his hand through his hair he tried to calm Anna down, “Love, slow down. Just take a deep breath.”

  
Dean watched Cas’s face intently, trying to figure out what was wrong when his feet suddenly stopped moving, “I’ll be home in one minute.” Cas quickly hung up and walked back towards Dean.

“Hey, everything okay?”

Cas looked completely lost, “My mother died.”

Dean quickly took long steps towards Cas, he put a steadying hand on his trembling shoulder, “I’m so sorry. Go home, I’ll stay here and help Ellen. Text me if you need anything.”  
Cas didn’t need to hear anything else before pulling his helmet on and taking off.

Still standing in the parking lot, Dean tried to process what just happened. It didn’t seem like Cas was close with his mother but he looked absolutely devastated when he heard the news. Dean walked into the Roadhouse, making sure his phone had the ringer on just in case Cas needed anything."

Riding home, Anna’s voice repeated in Cas’s mind, “C-Cassie? It’s momma… she’s dead…” Through her sobs, Cas could tell how crushed she was.

He flew home almost twenty miles over the speed limit. Before he had two feet in the front door, Anna was clinging to his shirt. Her usually pale face was red and tear stained; her voice shook with every panicked, unsteady breath, “S-she’s dead… Cassie, what are we going to do… I- I don’t know what to do.”

Cas quickly shut their front door and stripped off his jacket before sitting on the floor and pulling Anna into his lap, cradling her in his strong arms the way he did when she was a small child, “It will be okay, love. We’ll be okay. What happened?”

It took Anna a moment before she could speak, “Auntie Amara called and said that dad and momma got into a fight and dad got mad and couldn’t stop… Cas, dad killed her.”

His whole world stopped.

He couldn’t offer any words to comfort Anna.

He couldn’t move.

He couldn’t think.

His mind went blank.

They stayed on the floor together until the night became morning.

That morning, Amara bought them two plane tickets to Seattle for that same day. They both quickly packed a bag before taking a cab to the airport.

Cas sent a text to Dean before boarding the plane:

C: ‘Going back to Seattle for a few days. Could you tell Bobby for me?’  
D: ‘Of course, Cas. I’m really sorry about your mom.’  
C: ‘Talk soon.’

Cas and Anna got off the plane in Seattle four hours later and were greeted by their aunt, Amara. She was their father’s sister and a sweet woman but she was not without her issues. The long-haired brunette was kind but often flew off the handlebars at small things.

When she saw her niece and nephew outside of the baggage claim, she quickly bounced over to them, wrapping them both in a hug. She fussed over Anna’s dress and trying to smooth back Cas’s hair.

Before they got into her red Chevrolet Tahoe, Amara hugged each of them again, “Oh, I missed my buddies!”

She hopped into the driver’s seat, leaving Anna and Cas to roll their eyes and groan, remembering how … exciting (?) Amara could be. It was nice to see her, even under these circumstances.  
When they pulled up to Amara’s twenty minutes later, they were greeted at the front door by Gabriel.

Anna immediately pulled her hand out of Cas’s grip and ran towards Gabe with open arms; her shoes loudly splashing through the puddles. Gabe quickly scooped her up and hugged her close to him, “Hey, kiddo!”

He was still in his army green fatigues and obviously exhausted but was still trying to be his playful, cheery self.

Cas hadn’t moved. Everything just seemed to be moving too fast. His mother died, suddenly he was back in the place he hated, now he was seeing his brother and aunt that he hadn’t seen in almost a year.

His older brother’s voice snapped him out of his panicked thoughts, “Hey, Cassie! You going to give your big bro a hug or what?!”

Cas willed his feet to move in quick steps towards his siblings. When he hugged Gabe, he tried to hold back his tears. He couldn’t cry; not now, not in front of Anna.

The funeral was three days later. Naomi was buried in the cemetery that was four miles from their house. The service was quiet and small, only her immediate family showed up to pay their respects to the kind woman who was stuck in a horrible situation.

After the funeral, Cas needed to get out for a little bit, he was desperate for some time alone with his thoughts. He quickly changed out of his suit and into jeans and a flannel. Cas decided to go for a walk to try and clear his head.

One foot in front of the other his thoughts roamed from Naomi begging Chuck to stop beating her to the soggy weather to seeing Gabe again back to his father being in jail for the rest of his life for murder to… Dean’s eyes? Surprisingly, that’s what Cas got stuck on as he walked the streets of his childhood; Dean’s bright green eyes. The life in them, the hope, the courage, the strength, and what crushed Cas the most, the pain. The pain that plagued Dean’s eyes when he talked about his father’s death or his mother’s drinking. Cas wanted to take that pain away, to make it stop. He couldn’t though; he couldn’t try to take his pain away because he would eventually make it worse… he always does.

Cas shoved his hands in his pockets and kept walking, not fighting his thoughts. They drifted from Dean’s eyes to his lips, from his lips to his freckles. Cas wondered how far they went? From his nose to his cheeks? Cheeks to his chest? He wondered how easy Dean would be to take apart? How beautiful he would sound moaning out Cas’s name?

The dark red car that sped past him reminded him why it wouldn’t be fair to Dean to find out. The owner of the car quickly pulled over and jumped out, followed by his passenger. The two boys were both surprisingly bigger than Cas.

Raphael and Michael quickly walked up to Cas and grabbed his arms. Raphael, the bigger of the two, sneered into Cas’s ear, “Look who it is, out little faggot came home!”

Michael tousled Cas’s hair, “Heard daddy finally lost it, huh?”

No. No. Not this again. Can’t happen again. Can’t hurt again.

* * *

 

_It was the middle of January two years ago; Cas and Alfie were sitting in Alfie’s car watching the snow fall. Cas had his arm draped over the smaller boy’s shoulder, “Alf? What’s going through your mind? You’re never this quiet.”_

_Alfie’s brown eyes filled with tears until his vision was too blurry to see anything, “Cas… we can’t… you know I want to be with you but it’s Raphael and Michael…” Alfie carefully rolled up his sleeve where the word ‘fag’ was carved into his forearm. “They told me it would only get worse—.”_

_Cas quickly cut him off, anger flaring from his feet up into his chest, “They did that to you?!”_

_Alfie’s hands were shaking as Cas carefully inspected it before carefully placing a kiss on it. He took Alfie’s tear-soaked face into his hands, trying to quiet his sobbing, “I’m here, it’s okay. You’re okay now.”_

_Alfie roughly shoved Cas away, “Exactly! You’re here! That’s why this happened!”_

_Cas felt his stomach drop at the other boy’s harsh words, “Alf, you don’t mean that.”_

_“Yes, I do. Get out of my car and leave me alone! I mean it, Castiel, do not talk to me again.”_

_Only wanting to make his boyfriend… ex-boyfriend happy, Cas walked away and didn’t go back. Instead, he went home to see Raphael’s red car parked in front of his house._

_Cas ran inside and the first thing he was his father’s rage-filled eyes, “You’re a queer?”_

_The second thing he was Raphael’s smirk, “I’m worried about you, Cassie. This is the path the devil wants you to take.”_

_That is when the beatings got worse._

* * *

 

Cas was stronger now; he quickly had both Raphael and Michael unconscious and bloody. Before anyone could call 911, Cas was quickly back at Amara’s house with new bruises and a stronger will to not drag Dean into his mess of a life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think so far? xxx


	6. And I Wish I Could Save You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes mentions of sexual assault/harassment and bullying.

Gabe went back to Lawrence for a week with Anna and Cas, he insisted that he came home to help make sure everything was taken care of regarding the arrangements for their mother. What he really meant was, he wanted to stay to make sure Cas wasn’t going to lose it when Gabe went back to Germany.

As soon as they were back in Lawrence, Gabriel knew he made the right choice; Cas locked himself in his room and finally let go of his anger and sadness and grief.

It started with anger towards his father; the drinking, the screaming, the fighting, and now, he killed his mother.

Cas remembered the first time Chuck laid his hands on Anna. She had just turned ten years old; they were sitting around the kitchen table in their usual tense silence when Anna cleared her throat and asked if they could go to the fair that was an hour away.

He said no and like little kids do, Anna asked again.

Chuck told her to go to her room, Anna started to cry, he stood up and grabbed her arm, she pushed him off, Chuck slapped her, Cas saw red.

Now, Anna was crying again but this time, it was because of Cas.

He paced around his room drunkenly yelling and throwing things. What Cas couldn’t hear over his breakdown was the doorbell ringing.

Gabe quickly walked to the front door and opened it, greeted with worried green eyes and a fidgeting teen, “Can I help you?”

Dean tried to smile but it mostly came out as a cringe, “Hi, I’m Cas’s friend. I was just wondering how he was doing.”

Gabe pulled a bit of a bitch face at Dean not knowing how he couldn’t hear Cas’s yelling from down the street, “Not a good time, Romeo.”

“Oh… yeah… well, tell him I was here?”

“Sure thing. You have a nice day.”

Dean slowly walked away, hating having to leave Cas when he is in that much pain. He knew Cas needed time; after all Dean needed time when his father died.

And Dean did give him time. However, a few hours later was long enough for Dean. He hadn’t seen or talked to Cas for almost a week and for Christ sake the guy’s mom just died, he needed to know if he was okay.

D: ‘Hey, Cas. Just checking in, how are you doing?”  
C: ‘I fuskin neerd a dirnk.’  
D: ‘Sounds like you’ve already had a few. I’m going to come over, okay?’  
C: ‘wjatevr.’

Dean quickly hopped into the Impala and sped off to Cas’s house, his worry for Cas’s wellbeing boiling in his stomach. Thankfully, they only live a few short minutes from each other.

As soon as he got there, Dean bounded up the stairs and loudly knocked on the front door.

Cas opened it a minute later in sweatpants and a t-shirt; he smelt like whiskey and looked like he had been through hell. “Hey, Dean! My mom is fucking dead!”

Holy shit.

Dean balked for a moment before carefully putting a hand on Cas’s shoulder and leading him back into the house, “I heard, man. I’m really sorry.”

Still, by the front door, Cas grabbed his motorcycle keys and snaked a hand around Dean’s waist, “Let’s go for a ride.”

Not wanting to upset him, Dean carefully took the silver keys out of Cas’s hand, “Not tonight.”

Taking the hand that was around his waist, Dean pulled it over his shoulder, helping Cas walk back to his room, “You want to talk about this?”

Cas’s eyes weren’t the beautiful, bright blue that Dean pined over; they were a sickly grey that matched the dark bags under his eyes, “My dad killed her. He beat her until she stopped breathing.”

Holy shit x2.

Cas stood up and started pacing around his room, leaving Dean sitting quietly on his bed at a loss of what to do. The sound of Cas’s fist colliding with the wall made Dean jump, “Cas, stop.”

Again, and again and again, Cas’s fists slammed into his wall until he was leaving smears of blood on the white walls.

Holy shit x3.

Dean couldn’t watch this anymore; he stood up and grabbed Cas’s arms. He used all of his strength to pin Cas against the wall, “Just stop, you’re okay.”

Cas shoved Dean hard and grabbed the front of his shirt. Dean braced himself for the punch that he thought was going to follow. But it never came.

Cas just latched onto the front of Dean’s jacket and shook; seemingly unable to calm down.

Dean put two steady hands on Cas’s arms, “Come on, you’re okay. Just take a deep breath.”

After a few minutes, Cas managed to even out his breathing. He let go of Dean’s jacket and placed one of the softest touches Dean’s ever felt on his cheek, “Sorry… I’m sorry. I—did I hurt you?”

“No, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it. Let’s get you to bed, okay?” Dean helped Cas stumble into bed before running to the bathroom and grabbing a wet towel, a glass of water and aspirin. Back in Cas’s bedroom, Dean once again cleaned Cas’s bloody knuckles.

They quietly sat together until Cas grabbed Dean’s hand, “You’re so sweet… so perfect.” Dean’s heart stopped, listening to Cas’s drunken words. “Want you so bad, Dean. Can’t have you though… no good for a perfect boy like you.”

Dean couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Cas is drunk, that’s all this is… it has to be. There’s no way somebody as gorgeous as him could ever want Dean, “Okay, Cas. Bedtime, okay?”

Cas was already fast asleep by the time Dean silently closed his bedroom door.

Dean was greeted by Gabe and Anna walking in the front door on his way out. Anna quickly hugged Dean, “Hi, Dean!”

He hugged her back before adjusting the cardigan on her shoulders, “Hey, Anna. I was just checking on Cas, he’s sleeping now.”

“Good, I’m going to stay in his room tonight. Goodnight Dean, night Gabe!”

Before he could leave, the eldest Novak snatched his arm, “Couldn’t stay away, huh Romeo?”

Under Gabe’s stare, Dean uncomfortably shifted on his feet, “He texted me and he was drunk and I just wanted to check on him and—.”

“Kid, relax. I’m just joking with you. Anna and I went out so he could get it out of his system, how are his knuckles?”

Dean cringed, “Bloody… why is he like this?”

Gabe shook his head, asking the same question, “He’s not a bad person, he’s just angry.”

Dean nodded in understanding, his heart breaking for Cas, “Goodnight, Gabriel.”

“Goodnight, Dean.”

Over the next week, things were quiet between Dean and Cas until Monday at school when the group of friends heard the familiar rumble of Cas’s motorcycle. Dean’s stomach instantly dropped to his feet; Cas’s words repeating over and over in his head, ‘perfect… want you’.

The second his eyes met Cas’s, he knew Cas remembered what he said.

Luckily, they didn’t have time to talk before Charlie was wrapping her arms around Cas and Anna, “I am so sorry about your mom. My mom died when I was five. If you guys need anything, I’m here.”

Anna clung onto her, “Thank you, Charlie.” The two redheads had grown close over the past few weeks and Cas couldn’t be happier that his baby sister had a good friend like Charlie.

Cas pulled her into a hug and gently patted her back, “Thanks, Charlie. I’m sorry about your mom.”

Jo and Sam both hugged them as well. Dean tightly hugged Anna and raked his eyes over Cas before lightly hugging him, hoping Cas couldn’t feel his half-hard boner through his jeans.

After pulling away, Cas offered him an almost embarrassed smile, “Thanks for the other day. Sorry about being such a mess.”

“It’s okay, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Throughout the day, neither Dean or Cas commented on what was said that night at Cas’s house; in fact, they barely talked. That was until Cas couldn’t find Anna after school.

He quickly ran up to Dean, the panic obvious in his frantic blue eyes; grabbing onto Dean’s arm, his voice wavered in fear, “Dean, I can’t find Anna. I have no idea where she is.”

Instinctively, Dean covered Cas’s hand with his, “Okay, don’t freak out yet. I’m sure she’s okay.”

As Charlie, Jo, Sam, Dean, and Cas searched for and called Anna’s phone but they found nothing.

Little did they know, Alastair had Anna pressed against the back wall of the school, “You haven’t been around Anna. I haven’t had a chance to introduce you to my friends; this is Crowley and Zach… they’re real nice.”

Alastair has Anna’s shaking body pinned against the wall. He took her flower crown and inspected it, “See, Anna… this is why I like you; you’re so gosh darn pretty.”

She opened her mouth to scream but Zach’s hand flew over her mouth, “No ma’am. You get to be quiet.”

Anna mustered up all her strength, fueled by her hate for the three men surrounding her. Her small fists roughly punched at Alastair’s chest but he had six years, two feet and over a hundred pounds on the freshman. He just laughed off her efforts.

He poked at her stomach and Zach was getting grabby; the only person who hasn’t touched the young girl was Crowley. Her tear-soaked face and muffled screams were getting to him, “Guy, that’s enough. Stop.”

The second Alastair kisses Anna’s cheek Crowley has had enough. The British exchange student walked away and went to find Cas.

Luckily, in his panic, Cas isn’t far away. Dean, Jo, and he were searching one side of the school for Anna and Charlie and Sam were on the other.

Crowley quickly walked up to the three friends, “Come with me.”

Cas is on his heels and his rage building in his chest. When he sees Alastair and Zach holding his sobbing baby sister against the brick wall, Cas loses it.

He ran up to them and roughly shoved Alastair away before grabbing Zach and slamming his head against the wall until he was unconscious and bloody

Anna, still sobbing, ran to Jo and Dean, who quickly checked on her and made sure she was okay.

Still in a blind rage, Cas tackled Alastair onto the ground before sitting up so he was straddling him. He landed blow after blow onto Alastair’s thin face.

Cas felt Alastair’s nose break but he didn’t stop. Instead, he wrapped his left hand tightly around Alastair’s throat while his right fist continued to beat him bloody.

After fretting over Anna, Jo finally looked up for the first time. She grabbed Dean’s arm and spun him around so he was facing Cas, “Dean, make him stop!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise some good smut next chapter ;)


	7. Because You Saved Me

Quickly running over to where Cas had Alastair pinned, Dean grabbed Cas’s arms and heaved him off of the bloody man that was under him. He desperately yelled at Cas, trying to snap him out of his rage, “Cas, stop!” When he finally managed to pull Cas off of the now unconscious Alastair, he held Cas against his chest, “I got you, you’re okay, everything is okay.”

Moments later, the principal, assistant principal and security guard ran over to where they were kneeling together. The principal was absolutely irate and shocked at the violent scene in front of him, “What the hell is going on?!”

The security guard, who was actually a Lawrence police officer, ran up to where Dean and Cas were still sitting, “Novak, stand up.” Cas complied with the officer, not wanting to make things worse. Standing up, he kept his hands on his head until the officer grabbed his wrists and put him in handcuffs, “Just until we know what’s going on.”

The nurse and administrators were busy checking on Alastair and Zach and also talking to Dean, Jo, Crowley, and Anna. They all said the same thing; that Alastair and Zach were assaulting Anna and Cas saved her. Thankfully, they eventually decided on just the disciplinary action of a two-week suspension for Cas instead of pressing criminal charges against him.

As soon as Cas was out of the handcuffs, he had his arms around Anna, who had stopped crying at this point. He worryingly checked her over, “Love, I’m so sorry, are you okay?”

She was still slightly shaking but being safe in her big brother’s arms brought her comfort, “Yes, I’m okay now.”

That’s when it started to register with everyone what just happened, Anna was assaulted. Alastair and Zach sexually harassed her... they assaulted her. This isn’t a small bullying situation anymore; this is now a criminal issue. The police gladly detained Alastair and Zach after bringing them to the hospital.

For the rest of the week at school, Anna was glued to Charlie, Jo, Dean or Sam so it didn’t surprise Cas at all when Anna asked if Sam and Dean could hang out at their house Friday night. This had been a long, stressful week for Anna and Cas wanted her to be able to relax and have a fun night with one of her new friends so he gladly agreed to have them over.

Sam and Dean knocked on the Novak’s front door around six o’clock. Anna opened the door with a huge smile on her face, something everyone was thankful she was able to keep through this hard time. She hugged both Dean and Sam before leading them inside, “Would you guys like anything to drink?”

Dean smiled at her four-leaf clover pajama bottoms and her politeness, she really was a genuinely good kid, “Water would be great, thank you.”

In the small mostly empty kitchen, Anna got a glass of water for Dean and two glasses of lemonade for her and Sam. As the two freshmen went to watch a movie in the living room, Dean asked where Cas was.

“His room. Do you remember where it is?” She pointed down the hall towards his room for emphasis.

“Yeah, thanks. Be good, you two.” Dean gave them a jokingly stern look before walking down the hall. He took a deep breath before knocking on Cas’s door. From inside, he heard Cas’s familiar deep voice answered him, “Come in!”

Dean pushed the door open and stepped into Cas’s bedroom; the walls were white and he had a dark blue comforter on his queen sized bed. One thing Dean noticed that he didn’t think Cas would be into were the seemingly endless stacks of books on the floor and on his nightstand. Cas was searching through the piles when Dean walked in, “Hey, Cas.”

Cas jumped and dropped the novel he was holding, “Hey, didn’t hear you guys come in.” He picked the book back up and walked over to his bed. He flopped down and patted the spot next to him, “Take your jacket off, stay a while.” Dean couldn’t help but notice how much more relaxed than usual Cas was in his plaid pajama bottoms and an over-sized t-shirt.

Dean closed the door behind him and shuffled over the Cas’s bed after he stripped off his jacket and converse. Leaving him in his grey Henley and worn-in jeans, “What are you reading?” Dean laid down next to Cas, adjusting himself against the pillows.

Cas took his eyes off the pages and held the cover up for Dean, “Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. Have you ever read it?”

“No, is it any good?”

Cas pulled an almost offended face and Dean knew why; the binding was falling apart and the pages were worn, it was obvious he had read it many times. He moved closer to Dean and held the pages open so Dean could read with him.

The silence that fell over them wasn’t uncomfortable; it was peaceful and comforting. Filled with the smooth sound of the pages turning or sometimes a grunt from Dean if Cas was turning the page too fast.

After they had read the first two chapters, Cas shifted his position trying to get comfortable again but when he moved he felt his back protest his actions. A groan escaped his lips, he hoped it was quiet enough but Dean easily picked up on it, “You okay?”

“Yeah, just my back.”

Dean’s face lit up because he has been looking for a way to help Cas and this… this he could totally do, “Take your shirt off.”

Cas turned towards him, his blue eyes looking completely floored, “I—I’m sorry… what did you just say?”

Dean was determined to make Cas feel better, “Take your shirt off and lay down on your stomach, I’m going to help you.”

Against all better judgment, Cas stripped off his t-shirt and laid down on his stomach. Dean’s brain shit itself. Cas had huge black wings tattooed across his shoulder blades that spread out down his back. Each individual feather was intricate and detailed. The dark feathers resembled Cas’s hair; dark, black and slightly rumpled. Dean didn’t even know he was staring until Cas cleared his throat, “Everything okay?”

He stuttered out a weak response that to his dismay came out a bit squeaky, “Yeah… lotion?”

“Bedside drawer.” Dean tried his best not to think about Cas using it to jerk off and coming all over himself, those thoughts definitely didn’t help his boner. Trying to distract himself he squirted some of the lotion into his palms and rubbed his hands together, warming it up.

Slowly, Dean started to press his hands onto Cas’s tense shoulders. He ran his palms and knuckles up and down the knots plaguing Cas’s back, earning him satisfying groans from Cas, “Fuck, Dean.”

Feeling Cas’s stress melt away from under his hands, Dean kept massaging him. Indulging himself in being able to touch every inch of Cas’s back, shoulders, and arms. He couldn’t help the words from coming out, “Your tattoos are gorgeous.”

Cas couldn’t believe his own response, “Thanks, you’re pretty gorgeous yourself.”

Dean’s hands immediately stopped moving, not trusting his own ears. Cas chuckled at how flustered Dean could get by his words, so he pushed it further, “Seriously, this is awesome. I didn’t notice how bad my back had gotten until I got your fuckin’ magic hands on me.”

Dean felt pride at Cas’s praise, “Anytime.”

The small lamp light by Cas’s bed gently illuminated the room. Dean’s hands were still pulling and kneading happy noises from Cas, the smell of the aloe lotion filled their noses. It was a perfect, calm, and intimate moment. Soft touches weren’t something Cas allowed himself but something about Dean helped him let go.

They were interrupted by Anna’s loud voice, “CASSIE! WE’RE HUNGRY!”

With another few seconds of massaging, Dean wiped his hands on his pants and Cas rolled over, “Duty calls.”

Much to Dean’s dismay; Cas opted not to put a shirt back on. This was the first time Dean could see all of Cas’s tattoos at once. The patterns on his arms traced down his chest and stopped at the wings that spread across his back; he was the most gorgeous person Dean had ever laid his eyes on.

Following Cas out to the living room, they decided to order pizza after discussing their options with their younger siblings. While they waited in the kitchen for the pizza to arrive, Dean’s eyes were fixed on the older boy’s beautiful, muscular body. Little did he know, Cas saw every glance Dean sent his way.

By the time the pizza got delivered and they had eaten, it was getting late but Cas couldn’t just let the vibes he was getting from Dean go, he needed to do something about it before they both went insane. He waved his hand back towards his room, motioning for Dean to follow him, “Come here a second.”

As soon as they were in the bedroom, Cas closed the door and held Dean against it. He ran a hand through Dean’s short hair and tugged it, bringing Dean’s head back. He roughly captured Dean’s lips in his; the kiss was bruising and lust filled.

Dean immediately brought his hands up to cling to any part of Cas he could. The kiss was surprising but not unwelcomed. Feeling Cas’s soft, warm lips against his and their bodies pressed together was every bit as amazing as Dean thought it would be.

 _‘Fuck… fuck! What are you doing?! Stop. Stop now. Do not do this to him.’_ Cas managed to pull away from Dean. Turning his back to Dean, every thought in the world was running through his mind, “Dean, no. We can’t do this. Fuck… I’m so sorry. We just… can’t."

Dean turned Cas back around to face him before running his hands down Cas’s chest and stomach, “Why not? I want this, please.”

“I can’t do this to you. I’m only going to hurt you.” The memories of Alfie flooding back into his mind solidified his actions.

“Please, I want to feel you.” Dean moved forward, pressing his lips to the soft skin on Cas’s neck. Cas tried to take a step back but his resolve was quickly fading, “I’m no good for you.”

“My life, my choice…” Taking Cas’s earlobe into his mouth, Dean sucked hard on it, “…touch me, Cas.”

That’s all it took for the walls to crumble. In a second, Cas had Dean back up against the wall, licking into his mouth with teeth and tongue.

Dean could feel his knees get weak and his boner press hard against his zipper as Cas moved his lips down onto Dean’s neck, sucking a dark purple mark onto his pulse point before harshly grazing his teeth over the same spot.

Letting his hands cling onto Cas and pull him flush against his body, Dean let out a whimper. He desperately tugged at Cas’s hair as the older boy continued to markup Dean’s neck.  
Cas brought his hands up to hold onto Dean’s chin; looking slightly down into his lust blown eyes Cas spoke harshly, “I bet you’d be such a good boy for me, wouldn’t you?”

Dean whimpered at Cas’s dominate words, “Yes, Cas. Anything for you.”

The smirk that crossed Cas’s face brought out the willing-submissive in Dean. The way he growled out his words, his firm and commanding hands; Dean just couldn’t get enough.

“Why don’t you show me how much you want it?”

Dean didn’t need to hear anything else; he gladly dropped to his knees between Cas and the door. Cas caressed Dean’s cheek, admiring how his freckles stood out against his light skin, “Aren’t you a pretty picture?”

Dean’s entire body felt like electricity as he ran his hands up Cas’s beautiful muscular thighs; he hooked his thumbs under the waistband on Cas’s pajamas, roughly tugging them off. His mouth salivated at his sight of Cas’s long, thick, leaving cock; he gladly took him into his mouth.

Cas groaned above the freckled boy; feeling Dean’s warm, wet mouth wrapped tightly around his cock felt like heaven.

Dean tried to take all of Cas into his mouth but ended up having to pull away because of the gag that ripped through his body.

Cas chastised him and shook his head, “Oh, come on, baby. You can do better than that.”

Again, Dean took a deep breath and bobbed his head up and down Cas’s hard cock. He brought one of his hands up to Cas’s bare, strong hip and encouraged him to move. Quickly getting the hint, Cas cradled the back of Dean’s head so it didn’t hit the door and started to slowly fuck his mouth.

Dean moaned at the feeling of Cas’s cock brushing the back of his throat, sending vibrations through Cas’s body. He fucked Dean’s mouth harder and growled, “Fuck, Dean. So fuckin’ perfect.”

Feeling Cas pound into his mouth, Dean had tears streaming down his face but he loved it. If Cas wanted to use his mouth, he would gladly let him. His green eyes looked up at Cas’s beautiful lustful expression, he let out a whine at how gorgeous Cas looked.

Pulling away from Dean, Cas wrapped a solid hand around himself and started to quickly stroke himself, “Open your mouth.”

Gladly complying, Dean opened his swollen lips before Cas came into his mouth and across his cheek. He moaned at the salty taste that filled his mouth.

When he was done, Cas dragged his thumb through his cum that was streaked across Dean’s cheek and stuck it back in Dean’s mouth, “You’re so perfect. Stand up, baby.” Cas pulled his pajamas back on as Dean shakily got to his feet. As Cas walked over to his bed and sat on the edge, he ran his eyes over Dean’s slender body, “Strip.”

Cas had no idea why Dean looked so insecure as he pulled off his long sleeve shirt and pants before dropping them on the floor because he looked absolutely gorgeous. Although he left his boxers on. Cas shook his head and hungrily looked at Dean’s half-naked body, “Boxers too, baby.”

When he did take them off, he shuddered at the sudden cold that nipped at his flushed skin. Dean was blushing from his cheeks to his chest, his hard cock was leaking, and he still had cum splattered on his face. Cas smiled at him and patted the spot next to him on the bed, “Come here.”

Dean shyly laid down on his back, waiting for Cas to make the next move. Propping himself up on his elbow, Cas kissed from Dean’s neck down to his chest. He lapped at Dean’s nipple, running his teeth over it.

Dean whimpered and arched his back off the bed; his cock was steadily dripping, begging to be touched.

Cas chuckled at Dean’s reaction to the simple touch, “You’re so needy, I fuckin’ love it. You’re such a good boy for me.”

Dean moaned at held onto Cas’s arm, “Please, touch me. Fuck… please.”

Moving down between Dean’s legs, Cas licked a long, slow stripe up his cock. Dean let out a long and desperate whimper.

Cas brought two fingers up to Dean’s mouth, “Suck.” Dean immediately complied, obscenely sucking on Cas’s index and middle finger, trying to get them soaking wet.

When Cas was satisfied, he brought his fingers down to Dean’s tight hole. He slowly rubbed his wet index finger around the tight ring of muscle before pushing it all the way into Dean.

The younger boy moaned at the slight burn but overwhelming pleasure that coursed through him, “C—Cas, come on. Fuck… fuck.”

Cas added another finger and started to harshly fuck Dean with them. This moment was perfect; one of the most attractive boys he’d ever seen was splayed out on his bed, desperately gripping onto the sheets and obscenely moaning as he fucked himself down on Cas’s large fingers.

Cas very lightly grazed his teeth along Dean’s cock, “Good boy… such a good boy. You like getting finger fucked? You’re such a good little slut for me. I want to see you cum all over yourself.” Cas wrapped a strong, spit-soaked hand around Dean as his fingers pushed hard against his prostate.

Dean loudly moaned as his hips stuttered and froze as he came onto his stomach in long, white ropes. It was one of the most intense orgasms Dean has ever had. Cas’s hands didn’t stop as he worked Dean through his orgasm.

When Dean was completely fucked out, Cas pulled his fingers out and slowly licked up Dean’s limp body until he got to his mouth where he placed a wet, open-mouthed kiss onto Dean’s bruised lips. Pulling away, Cas gazed down at Dean’s face, noticing the dried smears of cum and light pink blush that spread across his freckle-covered cheeks, “You okay?”

Dean almost couldn’t answer he was so worn out, “Yes… yes. God, that was… amazing.”

Cas smirked down at him, “Good.” He rolled off the bed and quickly ran to the bedroom to grab a warm washcloth. When he got back to his room, he quietly climbed back onto the bed and softly ran the damp cloth over Dean’s cheek before cleaning off his stomach and softening cock.

Noticing Dean’s heavy, closing eyelids Cas couldn’t help but smile, “You tired over there?”

Dean hummed in response and tried to get up but his half-asleep mind couldn’t cooperate with his limbs; he just ended up flopping back down on the soft bed. His words came out as incoherent mumbles, “Get up… in minute.”

Cas ran a hand over the top Dean’s head, “Yeah… no, you’re not driving home like this. You’re staying, okay?”

Dean could barely nod in response. Cas rolled off the bed again but this time, he walked into the living room where Anna and Sam were asleep on separate ends of the couch. He was glad they were asleep as he didn’t expect Dean to be so loud but Cas was certainly glad he was.

He gently shook Anna and Sam’s shoulders, “Hey, guys. Sam, you and Dean are going to stay here tonight, okay?” He only got half-awake mumbles back, “Feel free to take Gabe’s bed. Anna can show you the bathroom.”

Back in his room, Cas picked up Dean’s clothes from the floor and rummaged through his drawers to find a clean pair of boxers; handing them to Dean, he spoke quietly, “I’ll be right back, go ahead and get comfortable.”

This time when he left, Cas did his nightly routine of making sure every window and door was locked. _‘For Anna’s safety.’_ He would tell himself but the truth is, Cas was terrified. As much as he tried to hide it, he really was just a scared little boy. By the time Cas was back in his room, Dean was warmly tucked under the covers. Crawling under the blankets, Cas wrapped an arm securely around Dean’s waist, “Are you alright?”

After a moment of hesitation, Dean whispered, “Did that mean anything to you?”

“Did you want it to?”

Dean was quiet for a very long time, tracing Cas’s tattoos on his arms, “…yes.”

That’s the last thing Cas wanted to hear… or was it? He wanted Dean. He didn’t just want to slowly take Dean apart with his hands and mouth but he wanted to build him back up with loving words and soft touches but could he trust himself? Would he help Dean or destroy him further? He didn’t know what to say, nothing made sense, nothing was clear. His whole plan just flew right out the window.

All he could do was tighten his arm around Dean’s waist and hold him close, “Goodnight, Dean.”

“Goodnight, Cas.”


	8. But We Are Like Pages In A Book

D: ‘My shift ends at 6. Want to grab dinner here?’

C: ‘Sure. Ride after?’

D: ‘Hell yeah.’

It was around four o’clock when Dean texted Cas. They hadn’t been together long but none the less he missed Cas. It had been a week since they first hooked up and they hadn’t seen each other since Cas was still suspended. He missed Cas’s lips, his strong arms, he missed the dominant look in his eyes… hell, he even missed his sometimes terrible attitude.

He couldn’t wait to wrap his arms around Cas; he wanted to kiss him, suck him off, open himself up for him. So when Cas strolled into the Roadhouse a little after six, Dean quickly walked up to him and roughly kissed him.

Cas grabbed two handfuls of Dean’s flannel and pulled him close, nipping at his lower lip, “Hey, did somebody miss me?”

Dean hummed against Cas’s lips and quickly nodded his head, bumping his nose against Cas’s, “Of course I did.”

Looking into Dean’s bright green eyes, Cas smirked at the sweet, needy younger boy who was clinging to him. Cas leaned forward and whispered into Dean’s ear so that the rest of the diners didn’t hear him, “You’re such a good boy for me.”

Dean whimpered as a shiver wrecked through his body, “Can we just skip dinner?”

Letting out a warm, deep chuckle, Cas pulled away from Dean, “If I wasn’t so goddamn hungry I’d take you up on that offer.”

Admitting defeat, Dean sighed and followed Cas to Dean’s usual table. They ordered burgers and fries and Dean managed to sneak them both two beers. By the time they were done eating, they were both more than ready to get out of the cramped, hot diner. Dean silently followed Cas outside to his motorcycle.

Cas roughly kissed Dean again before tugging the helmet on over Dean’s sandy blonde hair. Feeling the alcohol course through his veins, Dean wasn’t as worried about riding on the bike.  
Before he got on the bike Cas flipped up Dean’s eye guard, “Where to, baby?”

“Highway?”

Cas smirked and sneakily grabbed a handful of Dean’s perfect ass, “Feeling like going fast tonight?” Even under the helmet, Dean’s blush was obvious.

They both climbed onto the bike as Dean scooted up close against Cas’s back and tightly held onto him. Cas turned on the bike; feeling it spring to life under him, the vibrations shook through the two boys. When Cas revved the engine, Dean could help but break out into a huge grin as he thought about what the rest of their night was going to be like.

The musky scent of Cas’s leather jacket mixed with the November night air sent Dean’s nerves on fire as they zoomed down the highway, probably going too fast but not at all caring. Dean ran his hand down Cas’s thigh and roughly squeezed it, urging Cas to go faster.

The black-haired boy gladly complied, revving the engine as the asphalt quickly disappeared under them.

It was all fun and games until some idiot in a Jeep, who was texting on his cellphone, tried to merge into their lane, narrowly missing the bike. Dean felt his heart stop but he should have known that even though they were having a good time, Cas was experienced enough to avoid the car. The only reason they didn’t get into an accident was because Cas was paying attention. He carefully slowed down and moved out of the way.

Cas grit his teeth. Who the fuck did that guy think he was? He could have hit them. He could have seriously hurt Dean. Without giving it a second thought, Cas revved his engine and pulled up next to the red Jeep and slammed his fist into their side view mirror; breaking it and bending it to an unnatural angle.

Dean loudly laughed and flipped off the awe-stricken driver. Much to Cas’s surprise, Dean yelled over his shoulder, “FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE!”

The two laughed together as Cas peeled away, taking the next exit off the highway to get back to Lawrence. Soon, Cas pulled onto a quiet back road, looking for a very specific spot; the abandoned hunting cabin he had seen a few days back while he was out for a drive.

It didn’t take him long to find it; quickly pulling up to it, he turned off his bike and waited for Dean to pull off the helmet and get off before he did. Dean gave Cas a questioning look, “You didn’t take me out here to kill me, right?”

The cabin was old and hanging on by the studs. The wood was rickety and completely falling apart, the furniture inside was old and honestly, a little disgusting. Cas saw Dean’s revolted face and he couldn’t help but chuckle before pushing him up against the wall, “Don’t worry, I don’t intend to put you on that couch.” Cas kept his promise by leading Dean to the somewhat clean kitchen table and bending him over it.

Cas ran his strong hands over Dean’s round ass, “Now, baby… do you know why I brought you all the way out here?” Dean only whimpered in response so Cas continued, “No? Well, here I can fuck the hell out of you and you can make all those beautiful noises as loud as you want.” He ended his sentence with a harsh slap on Dean’s ass.

Spreading his legs further apart, Dean slightly wiggled his ass back towards Cas; knowing full-well it would drive him crazy.

If Cas’s low, deep growl was anything to go by, Dean was right. Cas roughly yanked Dean’s jeans down around his ankles. Using his thumbs and palms, he spread Dean’s ass exposing his beautifully tight hole, “God-fuckin’-damn. You’re going to kill me, Dean.”

Pushing his ass back more, Dean grabbed onto the wooden table and whined, “Cas… come on, please. I need to feel you.”

Kneading Dean’s firm ass, Cas leaned forward to place a long, wet, obscene, dirty lick across his asshole. Dean threw his head back and loudly moaned out Cas’s name; his hard cock was uncomfortably pressing against the table, “Cas! Fuck… please, fuck me.”

Harshly pulling on Dean’s hair, Cas leaned on his back and whispered in his ear, “Beg for it.”

Dean whimpered and in his desperation started to babble, “Fuck, you’re so hot. Oh… Cas, please. Come on, fuck me. Please.”

Trying not to be embarrassed that he planned for this, Cas pulled out the small bottle of lube from his pocket and slicked up two fingers. He roughly pushed them both completely into Dean who let out a strangled cry at the mix of pain and pleasure. As Cas slowly dragged his fingers in and out of him, he used his free hand to unbutton his jeans and use the lube to slick up his hard length.

Once Dean was plenty stretched, Cas pulled his fingers out at an agonizingly slow pace. Dean whimpered at the slow leak of lube dripping down his thigh; Cas was sweet enough to help him clean it up by licking it before sucking on his tight balls.

“Come on, stop teasing me. Just fuck me. As hard as you want, I don’t care. I need to feel you.” Dean could feel hot tears start to prick at his eyes from desperation. When Cas pressed into him in one smooth movement, it felt like complete ecstasy. He arched his freckled covered back and practically screamed in pleasure.

Cas had to take a moment to compose himself before he could move. Dean’s hot, wet heat tightly wrapped around his swollen cock was enough to make him see stars. Cas lazily thrust into Dean a few times before they were both aching for more.

Pulling out of Dean, Cas used all his strength to flip him over and pick up the slightly younger boy by putting one arm under his ass and one behind his back.

Dean wrapped his legs around Cas’s waist and let his head fall forward onto Cas’s strong shoulder. When Cas slammed Dean’s back up against the wall and smoothly slid into his needy heat, Dean bit down hard on Cas’s shoulder; muffling the moan that ripped through him.

Before Cas moved, he barely touched his lips with Dean’s, gently brushing them together with every word, “No, no, no… be a good slut and scream for me.” Wrapping his large hands around Dean’s waist, Cas harshly fucked up into Dean.

Dean had one arm tight around Cas’s shoulder and one hand gripped in Cas’s shaggy hair, “Cas! Fuck… yes. Please, don’t stop!”

Dean’s head rested against the wall as Cas pounded into him, filthy words slipping out of his mouth, “You’re such a good little cock slut for me, around you? You’ll take exactly what I give you. So needy, so tight. Tell me, baby, you going to cum? I want to see you cum untouched. Be a good boy for me.”

With every thrust, Cas slammed against Dean’s prostate making him scream out and moan, “Yes, Cas! Yours… I’m all yours. Oh… god! Fuck me, Cas. I’m so c—close.”

Cas growled and nipped hard at the side of Dean’s sweat-covered neck. When Dean came hard across his and Cas’s stomach, he clamped down hard on Cas’s throbbing cock; moaning out Cas’s name.

The feeling was overwhelming; Cas quickly followed Dean through his orgasm. When they were both thoroughly spent, Cas dropped Dean to his feet, running a hand through his blonde hair, “Fuck… you’re so gorgeous.”

Under Cas’s lustful gaze, Dean squirmed and ran a hand down Cas’s tattoo-covered arm, “You’re perfect.”

The next few weeks went similar to their night in the cabin; hanging out together, riding around either on Cas’s bike or in the Impala, and Cas fucking Dean. It was fun and fast, neither of them bothered putting too much thought into what they were while they were together but the mid-November nights grew colder and lying in bed got lonelier.

Dean craved more; a better relationship with Cas, more information about him, taking things slower, and quiet, lazy days together. He craved more for his mother, as well. Her drinking only got worse towards the holidays—it always did.

It was early Tuesday morning when it happened. Cas was deep in sleep when his phone rang from his nightstand. The first thing Cas read on his phone was the time, ‘1:09 AM’. The second thing he read was the caller I.D, ‘Dean’.

He didn’t know why Dean was calling but the last thing Cas expected was to hear the wavering tone of Dean’s voice, “Cas… look… I know you were probably sleeping and—just fuck… I don’t know. We don’t usually talk about—I just need you.”

Cas was already half out of bed by the time Dean stuttered out the rest of his sentence, “Deep breath, okay? Where are you?”

“Lawrence Memorial Hospital.”

“Okay, I’ll be there in ten minutes. Just take some deep breaths, everything will be okay.” After hanging up the phone, Cas wrote Anna a quick note of where he was and left it on their kitchen table before grabbing his keys and tugging on his helmet.

As promised, he pulled up to the front entrance of Lawrence Memorial Hospital a few minutes later. The cold night air breezed through his old sweatpants and light t-shirt. He had completely forgotten to put on a jacket; his panic of thinking Dean was hurt rushing him out the door.

Surprisingly, Dean was physically fine, sitting on the front steps of the hospital. Cas finally took a deep breath, seeing that Dean wasn’t bleeding, that he hadn’t ruined him, that history wasn’t repeating itself. “Dean? What happened?”

Dean quickly stood up and covered the five feet between him and Cas in a second. He threw his arms around Cas’s stomach and buried his face in his chest.

Cas was slightly surprised at the sudden affection but he didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around Dean’s shaking shoulders, “Okay, I got you. Come on, let’s get you inside.” Keeping a protective arm around Dean, the two walked through the hospital until they found a quiet waiting room to sit in.

At this point, Dean had calmed down a bit but was still shaken up. He clung onto Cas’s hand, “I was in bed and I heard a crash so I got up and my mom was on the floor and she wasn’t breathing right and she was unconscious and throwing up and I called an ambulance but she had a seizure and I just don’t know what to do.” By the time he was done, Dean was sobbing again; clearly still shaken up.

Cas understood why. Dean’s mother could have died—she almost did. Cas could understand the panic of a parent being very close to death, he could only imagine how he would have felt if he saw his mother after Chuck beat her to death. That whole train of thought made Cas’s eyes flood with tears. Instead of showing his emotion, Cas pulled Dean against his chest and shoulder again, “I’m so sorry, Dean. Is she okay now?”

His shaky voice answered, “Yeah… they pumped her stomach and gave her some fluids and minerals.”

“Good, focus on that. I know it was scary but she’s okay.” The pain in Dean’s eyes that Cas wanted to bad to never have to see was so obvious. He looked terrified and broken; Cas couldn’t have that.

He took Dean’s freckled covered cheeks into his hands and gently brushed away Dean’s tears with his thumb, “Come on, baby. Where’s that perfect smile?”

Dean didn’t want to smile, he really, really didn’t want to but having Cas show him affection, real affection; not just fucking him—it was just what he needed. It was everything he wanted from Cas. He couldn’t help the weak smile that spread across his tear-soaked face.

“There it is! I promise everything will be okay.”

They sat together in silence, both deep in thought until Dean whispered, “She needs help… I should call Ellen and Bobby.” He pulled out his cellphone and rang the Harvelle-Singer’s house, “Ellen? It’s Dean. I’m sorry it’s so late—I’m okay. It’s mom…” He proceeded to quickly tell Ellen the events of that night. She said she would make some calls in the morning and that he would try and get some sleep.

After hanging up, Dean rested his head against Cas’s shoulder, “Thank you for coming, I just didn’t know what else to do… you don’t have to stay, you know…”

Cas sleepily stroked his fingers through Dean’s hair, “I’ll always come when you call. I’ll stay if you want.”

“It’s okay, Sammy is here. He’s in the room with her; I just didn’t want to cry in front of him.”  
Cas ended up staying the rest of the night with Dean in the waiting room. As promised, the next morning Ellen and Bobby both came by to take Mary to Alpha Recovery Center. She put up a fight the whole time; refusing to go until she saw Sam’s tears. Seeing her youngest son cry broke her resolve and she eventually agreed to get some much-needed help.

Mary was going to be in rehab for one month; while she was gone, Sam and Dean were going to stay with Ellen and Bobby most nights.

About halfway through her treatment, Dean had a particularly bad phone call with her consisting of the phrase, “Disappointment of a son.” About fifteen minutes after the upsetting call, Dean was at Cas’s house as they had plans to hang out.

Cas opened the door with a smile, “Hey, come on in.”

Dean didn’t answer him as he was in an exceptionally foul mood. They were polar opposites; when Cas got angry, he yelled and when Dean got angry, he was quiet.

Cas closed the door behind him, “Alright… any particular reason you’re so cranky?”

Dean brooded at him, a scowl plastered on his face, “No.”

“Okay, grouchy…” Cas wanted to help Dean feel better, even if he was being a little bit of a dick, “Want to read? We’re only on chapter ten… forty-nine left.”

Dean quietly followed Cas to his room and laid down on the bed. Cas would never admit it but since Dean’s been coming over (and staying a few times after particularly exhausting fuck-fests) he has only slept on one side of the bed, after all… the other side is Dean’s.

After only reading a few pages, Cas put the book down noticing that Dean wasn’t paying attention, “Okay, what’s up with you today?”

“Nothing.”

“Dean?"

“Nothing!”

“Fine… want to fuck?”

Dean shot Cas a nasty look but trying to make Dean feel at least a little better, Cas started to kiss Dean’s neck.

Dean squirmed out from under him and quickly sat up, “Cas, I’m serious. I’m not in the mood. Can we just talk?”

Against his better judgment, Cas let out a sarcastic chuckle, “We could if you bothered to talk to me but sure, what would you like to talk about?”

“How are you?” Of course, that’s the question Dean decided to ask. Cas wanted to help Dean, he walked to talk about Dean, not himself.

“Well… I’m pretty horny.”

Dean certainly did not appreciate that. “Cas, seriously what the fuck?! Why can’t you just let me help you? Is it so terrible that I want to talk about how my boyfriend is feeling?”

Cas quickly sat up and moved away from Dean, staring at him with an incredulous look on his face, “I’m sorry… your what?” Cas’s mind was going a million miles an hour, ‘ _You absolute fucking moron. He thinks you’re dating. You’ve already done damage. Fix this. Now.’_

Too late. Dean’s face went bright red with embarrassment and hurt, “I just thought—”

Cas cut him off before he could finish, “No. Whatever you were thinking… no. We aren’t dating.” _‘Because I’m going to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you.’_

Standing up, Dean started to get pissed instead of hurt, “So what? I’m just some guy for you to fuck and then toss aside?!”

Cas’s mind screamed but he couldn’t bring himself to say the words, ‘ _No. God, no. I care about you, Dean but I’m not good for you.’_

Dean’s words were louder though, “What are you so scared of?! I’m not your ex!”

Cas grit his teeth, “Don’t.” Cas had only mentioned very briefly that he broke up with someone before moving and it didn't end well. Dean must have picked up on how much it actually hurt Cas.

“I’m not him! I don’t know what the fuck happened but you don’t have to take it out on me!”

“Dean.. don’t you fucking dare.”

“WHAT?! IS IT NONE OF MY BUSINESS?! HOW ABOUT FOR ONCE YOU’RE ACTUALLY HONEST ABOUT THINGS WITH ME?!”

Dean had no idea what he was talking about. What happened with Alfie… that was Cas’s fault. Alfie was a quiet, sweet, somewhat reserved kid before he met Cas. Then they started to date and the bullying started. Alfie started to get assaulted and beat up for being gay. Cas was petrified the same thing would happen to Dean.

“Dean, stop. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“So what the kid dumped you or whatever, that doesn’t mean I will!”

Cas’s voice was cold and harsh, “Get out.”

Dean seemed taken back by what Cas said; it almost seemed like Dean wanted to fight with him today.

“I said, get the hell out.”

Dean grabbed his jacket off the foot of the bed and yelled, “Fine! Go fuck yourself, Cas!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I can totally get if this story is a bit confusing at the moment, I promise things will start to make sense soon! 
> 
> Just as a quick review: Cas and Anna left Seattle because their dad was abusive (He ended up killing their mother).  
> Cas dated Alfie in Seattle. Alfie started to get bullied "because of Cas." Cas wants a relationship with Dean but is scared of hurting him so he lashes out in anger. Dean just wants the people he loves to be happy.
> 
> Stick with me folks! Let me know if you have any questions! xxx


	9. Torn, Frayed, And Used

“Oh, Dean… come on. It can’t be that bad. I think you’re overreacting.” Charlie nudged Dean’s shoulder with hers before turning to her girlfriend, “Jo, don’t you think he’s overreacting?”

The blonde looked up from the empty salt shakers she was filling, “Totally. I mean he’s so sweet with Anna maybe he was just having a bad day?”

Dean slumped down in their usual Roadhouse booth and mumbled, “Apparently he isn’t sweet with the people he fucks…”

Both girls stared at him with wide, shocked eyes and at the same time yelled and each smacked one of his arms, “Dean! You hooked up with him?!”

Dean facepalmed at his huge mouth and grumbled into his hands, “…twice.” He didn't want to talk about it because of the embarrassment but he needed to get it out. He couldn't deal with the pain alone.

Jo admitted defeat and walked away, “Babe, you deal with this because I can’t.”

Charlie took a deep breath and turned towards Dean, “So my seemingly innocent friend… how was sex with Cas? You know the scary, violent, leather-wearing, tattoo-covered, motorcycle-riding, hot kid you met like two months ago?”

Dean cringed at that description of Cas because it wasn’t accurate. Yes, he had tattoos and wore leather and rode a motorcycle but he was Dean’s reading buddy, he was the one who spent the night at the hospital with Dean, he was the one who made him laugh. Trying to shrug off her judgments, he offered, “He’s a good guy, Charlie…”

She waved him off, “Yeah, okay. That’s why you’re so happy right now. So… the sex. How was it?”

“Well, we hooked up twice but he only fucked me once.” Dean’s face was bright red and Charlie’s next comment certainly didn’t help.

“I knew you were a bottom!” She turned and yelled to where Jo was behind the counter, “You owe me ten bucks!” Going back to Dean she stopped laughing, “Okay, sorry. So seriously, how was it?”

“Fucking amazing.” Dean couldn’t help the sadness that swept over him as he thought about never being close to Cas again, never feeling Cas hold him again, never kissing him again. He hoped that eventually, the pain would go away. Hopefully sooner rather than later because Cas was coming back to school soon and seeing him was just going to make everything worse.

Unfortunately, the remaining two weeks of his suspension came and went and both Cas and Dean were still regretful and lonely but neither knew where to start. There was too much left unsaid and at the same time, too many words exchanged.

When Cas finally came back to school, he tries his best to ignore Dean but unfortunately, that means ignoring Charlie, Jo, and Sam. He made sure to tell Anna not to let what happened between him and Dean hurt her relationship with Sam or her other friends. She assured Cas it wouldn’t; after all, she and Sam decided to just stay friends for now and that, “They were better as study-buddies than a couple.” As long as Anna was happy, Cas was happy for her.

During Cas’s first day back, Charlie was questioning Dean as the two walked into school together, “So, are things going to be awkward between you and Cas today?”

Groaning, Dean threw his head back, “Definitely. My plan is simple: avoid him.”

The redhead gently shoved Dean, trying to joke with him, “So, you saw the guy’s dick a few times, doesn’t mean things have to be awkward.”

What Charlie didn’t know was Alastair was lurking behind them and he heard every word. A sick smirk spread over his skeletal face and a devilish plan forming in his brain.

It was directly after third period when Alastair confronted Cas.

Cas kept his head down, trying to quickly get through this seemingly never-ending day when he felt Alastair’s bony arm snake around his shoulders. His voice hissed in Cas’s ear, “Hey, Cassie… I heard something really interesting today.”

Cas grit his teeth and walked faster; resisting the urge to kill Alastair with everything he had. If Cas gets suspended again, he will get expelled; Alastair knew this as he continued to taunt Cas, “I heard that you’re a queer. Not only that but you’re a fag with Dean Winchester.”

Cas’s stomach dropped to his weak knees. He roughly pushed Alastair away as the panic quickly rose in his chest. This was Seattle all over again.

Half-running towards his next class, Cas desperately searched for Dean… he was fucking pissed and simultaneously terrified. Luckily he found Dean right before the blonde boy walked into the classroom. Cas snatched Dean’s upper arm and slammed him full-force into the hard, metal lockers. He grabbed onto the front of Dean’s grey t-shirt and growled close to his face, “What the fuck is your problem?!”

Dean’s eyes were full of shock and fear; he wanted to push Cas away, instead, he clung onto the front of his open leather jacket, “What the hell are you talking about?” Subconsciously, he pulled Cas even closer to his trembling body.

Charlie watched their exchange with wide eyes, maybe things between them were worse than she thought.

Cas’s blue eyes were full of blinding rage, “You get dick once and go blabbing about it to everyone?"

“I told Charlie and Jo, that’s it! You hurt me Cas, what else was I supposed to do?! Keep it in like you do?! Because clearly, that works out so well for you!”

The anger that built up in Cas’s mind was quickly draining, desperation replacing it, _‘No… Dean, I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hear you say those words, baby._ '

But Cas being Cas, that’s not what came out of his mouth. Instead, more anger came flowing out, “Well, good job now Alastair knows. Dean, you have no idea what you’ve done.”

At this point, Dean finally dropped Cas’s jacket and harshly shoved him away, “I’m sorry you’re so goddamn ashamed of me!”

_‘No, Dean. You’re so perfect. God, I’m so sorry for this. I never wanted you to get hurt.’_

“I’m not ashamed of you! Oh… fuck it! You don’t understand!” Cas turned and quickly walked past Charlie where she was still frozen in place.

Cas didn’t stop walking until he reached the office. Trying to steel himself, he calmly spoke to the secretary and dismissed Anna.

She arrived in the office a few minutes later, “Hey, Cassie!” She bounded up to him and tightly hugged him, “What’s going on, big bro?”

He quickly grabbed her small hand and lead her out of the school, towards his bike. The cold air seemed to grab an even tighter hold on his chest as he spoke slowly and dangerously, “Put the fucking helmet on.”

Anna had only heard Cas speak like that once before.

* * *

 

_It was the day they left Seattle. Their father was drunk and their mother was sobbing. Cas’s face was covered in bruises and blood; he had a red handprint forming around his throat from where his father had strangled him._

_Anna was screaming and sobbing, begging for the fighting to stop. Through his tears, Cas grabbed her shoulders, “Get your stuff in a bag and meet me outside. We are leaving. Now.”_  
_While Naomi distracted Chuck, Cas and Anna each packed a bag and ran outside, not bothering to say goodbye._

* * *

 

Anna obediently and swiftly put on the helmet before climbing onto the bike. She waited until Cas climbed onto the bike and wrapped her arms around him as he always told her to.  
The ride home was quick and silent. No music just the low hum of the Sportster’s engine filled the tense air surrounding the siblings.

Once they were home, Anna quietly followed Cas inside but the silence didn’t last long, “Pack your stuff. I’m going to make some money so we can leave. I’ll be back later. Lock the door. Do not leave.”

Cas hopped on his bike and went to the Auto shop. He tried to calm himself and breathe in order to come up with a plan. His mind quickly set priorities: make money, get Anna safe, get Dean—. Since when was Dean his priority? He’s just some guy. He doesn’t matter. His safety doesn’t matter. Anna matters. Cas loves his sister, not Dean. Right? 

His shift at the shop passed by in a quick eight hours. Cas let himself get lost in the process of fixing the bike he was working on until he looked at his phone and noticed it was nine o’clock. He wrote a note and put it on Bobby’s desk. It read, ‘Last shift. Direct deposit please.’ After signing it at the bottom, Cas jumped back on his bike and took off towards Perry. A town that was twenty minutes away and home to Mackie’s bar. It was an old, dusty bar with a dirty secret.

In the basement of the bar, there was “The Pit”. The bloodstained main floor was surrounded by broken chairs and empty beer bottles.

The betters would wage money on any two fighters that were brave enough to step into the ring. Cas had won many fights here and only lost a few. Tonight, however, he was here to make money.

What Cas wasn’t expecting when he strolled into the ring was the enormous fucker he had to fight. The large bald man had to be a foot taller than Cas and fifty pounds heavier.  
He tried to be confident, hearing his usual supporters cheers. People collectively had bet over three hundred dollars on Cas.

He cracked his knuckles and jogged on his feet, loosening up before taking a quick swing at the larger man’s face. When he made contact, it didn’t seem to faze the stranger as he threw a harsh uppercut and sent Cas stumbling backward.

He wasn’t careful tonight; he was distracted and emotional. His form was sloppy and haphazard in how he assaulted the other man. His fists didn’t hit hard, they were simply brushed off. The counter-attack from his opponent was simply too much for Cas.

He was quickly put on the ground and straddled; the way the older man pounded on his face was similar to how Cas had beat Alastair weeks before. His jaw, cheek, nose, and eyes were turning back, blue, yellow and bloody.

He thought he could get back into the fight until his opponent grabbed his messy hair and slammed his head against the concrete floor over and over again.

It wasn’t long until Cas’s vision started to go dark and blur. He barely heard the owner of the bar tell the other man to get off. He doesn’t remember how he got up or how he got into the parking lot. The next thing Cas noticed was a hand on his shoulder and a familiar voice flooding into his ears, “Cas? What the hell happened to you, boy?”

Looking up, Cas saw Bobby’s worried face and tried to push him off but his words came out slurred, “Nothin’… ‘m fine.”

Cas’s vision finally went completely black as he passed out; his head roughly smacking against the cold parking lot pavement.


	10. So I Will Clean My Wounds

Leaning by Cas’s unconscious, bloody body, Bobby gently shook his shoulder. While he tried to keep his voice steady, the wavering in it was obvious, “Son? Come on, wake up.”

After another moment of silence and panic had passed when Bobby decided to abandon his plans to get a drink with his old friend, Rufus and bring Cas back to Lawrence. 

The older man was thankfully still very strong from working in the shop and easily lifted Cas up and carried him to his truck. Bobby knew he needed to get Cas out of the December air. He didn’t know what happened to Cas, he just knew that being outside in the frigid winter for too long wasn’t good for anyone.

The car ride back to the Harvelle-Singer’s was quick and tense. Cas was still unconscious but thankfully the blood coming from his face and head had stopped when Bobby carried him inside his house, “Jo! Sam! Get in here!”

Bobby placed Cas on their couch as Jo and Sam ran into the room. Cas was just starting to gain consciousness when Jo ran to his side, “Oh my god… what happened to him?!”

Bobby was grabbing a first aid kit from the bathroom, he yelled back to his daughter and Sam, “I don’t know. Jo, grab him some ice. Sam, get a glass of water!” 

Unfortunately, they didn’t even get a chance to move before the front door opened. Ellen and Dean walked into the house; their laughter quickly died after taking in the scene before them. 

Dean’s heart stopped when he looked at Cas’s bloody face, “…Cas?” Quickly dropping his backpack, Dean ran to Cas’s side; forgetting his anger towards Cas, “What the hell happened to him?” He brushed a barely-there touch through Cas's hair, inspecting his wounds.

To everyone’s surprise, Cas’s still slightly slurred voice answered him, “Fuckin’ nothin’” He slapped away Dean’s gentle hands, “Get off.” Shakily, Cas tried to stand up but once his heavy, black boots hit the floor, the head rush he felt caused his knees to buckle. 

Dean instinctively held onto Cas’s waist, trying to hold him up. Cas repaid him by shoving him away again and spitting out, “I said get the hell off of me.”

Bobby was quick to try and block Cas’s path towards the front door. Amusement and bewilderment evident in his gruff voice, “What are you going to do? Walk back to Perry?” He didn't believe that Cas could walk twenty minutes in the cold December weather and live long enough to get his bike back.

When Bobby finally was able to look into Cas’s eyes; the boy looked dead. He looked empty. His once bright eyes were more grey than sapphire, the bruises plaguing his face complimented the dark bags under his eyes. The dried blood easily stood out against his pale skin.

Cas growled back, “Guess so.” With that, he wobbly walked around Bobby and out into the blistering cold. 

Jo, Dean, Sam, Ellen, and Bobby all stared at the door in a shocked silence. After ten minutes of trying to figure out what to do, Dean spoke up, “I’ll go get him.” Quickly grabbing his keys, Dean took off towards the Impala. 

Cas didn’t get very far; mostly because of his injuries. Dean noticed the slight limp in his walk and twinge in his back. He would do anything to be able to touch Cas and make him feel better. Dean didn’t want to hate Cas, he didn’t want to fight or be angry. He would give anything to be able to lay in bed together and read before giving Cas a slow back rub and fall asleep together. 

But they were not safe, warm, and happy in bed; Dean was pulling up next to a beaten, bloody, and angry Cas, “Get in the car.”

“Fuck you.”

Dean slammed on the breaks, “It’s freezing out, you’re going to get sick. We don’t have to talk just… please, Cas.” 

Hearing Dean plead with him, broke Cas’s heart. He finally willed himself to look at Dean; Cas could see the tears slowly flooding over the brilliant green of Dean’s eyes. His freckles still spread over his face, even in the dead of winter. Cas noticed the slight stubble that had started to grow on Dean’s jaw, he looked so beautiful. Realizing he was staring, Cas decided to hesitantly climb into the passenger seat. 

Dean quickly drove off towards Perry, “Where to?”

“Bar on Main.” 

Dean doesn’t ask questions, he just drove. He secretly missed being this close to Cas, even in the uncomfortable silence. 

Fifteen minutes later, Dean pulled into the bar’s parking lot. Before Cas could get out of the car, Dean quietly spoke up, “Are you okay?”

Cas’s hesitation was obvious as he ran a hand through his disheveled hair, “No, I’m not.” Cas climbed out of the Impala and hopped on his bike before taking off towards the dark road. Dean quickly pulled out of the parking lot and followed Cas, at the distance Cas had told him a million times was safest.

It was a little after midnight by the time Cas pulled into his driveway. As he walked through the front door, the first thing he saw was Anna’s worried face, “Are you okay? What happened?”

He gave her a weak hug and walked to their kitchen where poured himself a drink. Anna was on his heels, fussing over the blood on him, “Cassie, you need to sit. I’m going to get the first aid kit.” 

By the time Anna came running back in with the kit, Cas had drained two glasses of whiskey. He was determined to forget the fights, the betters, fighting with Bobby, Alastair, but above everything; Cas was desperate to forget the gorgeous green eyes that overtook his mind.

Carefully icing her older brothers bruises and cleaning his cuts, Anna tried to fight back her tears, “Cassie… you need to slow down, you’re going to get hurt.”

When Anna was done, Cas was already half-asleep, drunk, and hurting. He could barely mumble out, “Can’t slow down… no breaks.”

Cas barely made it to bed that night, even with Anna’s help. After a restless night of sleep, he woke up to find that Anna had spent the night with him. She was sitting up on Dean’s —the other side of the bed, carefully weaving delicate red flowers into intricate crowns. 

Cas sleepily mumbled into his pillow, “G’mornin’.” His head thumped in time with his heartbeat; whether that was from the injuries or his hangover, he didn't know and certainly didn't want to.

She held up one of the crowns, “I made them red for Christmas.”

“Smart.”

Anna shifted uncomfortably in bed and whispered, “I want to stay.”

Cas was far too tired to argue, “Fine but as soon as shit hits the fan… like it always does, we’re leaving.” 

After being strong-armed into staying, Cas decided it would be best to call Bobby and beg for his job back. The phone rang the usual four times before Bobby picked up, “Singer Auto.”

“Look, Bobby, I know I said that was my last shift and I was an asshole to you last night and I didn’t even say thank you for you helping my sorry ass but—.”

He was cut off by Bobby’s usual surly voice, “Shut the hell up and get into work, you idjit.”

Relief flooded through Cas, “Thank you, sir.” 

Christmas passed them all by with little celebration. Cas and Anna wore their red flower crowns and managed to skype with Gabe. Cas bought Anna new fabric and sewing supplies and Anna bought Cas some new novels. No matter how happy they were, Cas thought of Dean.

Dean and Sam ate dinner with Bobby, Ellen, Jo, and Charlie. They all exchanged gifts and enjoyed each other’s company. Mary ended up giving them a call, she seemed to be doing much better and finally starting to heal. No matter how happy they were, Dean thought of Cas.


	11. And Beg For Your Forgiveness

Cas had worked at the Auto shop for two days after their phone call when Bobby’s suspicions started to grow. The bruises that covered Cas weren’t even healed when Bobby followed him back to Perry. 

The light flurries had started as the cold gusts of wind bit at Cas’s split, bruised knuckles as he rode to the bar. He hated the pit; it was cramped and dark. The ring smelt of dried blood and sweat. The room was damp and musty. It was the last place Cas wanted to be. He would have much rather ride home and have Anna and Dean waiting for him; he would wrap each of them in a hug. After a hot, relaxing shower, Cas would lay in bed with Dean and finally finish that book; they would be warm and safe. 

At Mackie’s, Cas snuck into the basement through the back door. Bobby followed Cas at a safe distance where he wouldn’t notice the surly old man. 

Cas coldly greeted the announcer with a curt nod before he stripped off his jacket and climbed into the ring; loosening up his neck and arms, slightly jogging and bouncing from one foot to another. 

Bobby stayed in the back of the crowd, hiding in a dark corner, watching people yell at him and bet some serious money on the young boy. 

“Alright, folks. Tonight, we have a favorite fighting! Fighting for a price of three-hundred dollars, we have Cas and Donny. Let’s see what they can do!”

Bobby could feel his heart cramp as he whispered, “Oh kid, what have you gotten yourself into?”

All it took was thirty seconds before Cas and the much larger man started throwing punches. Cas got in a few good, fairly impressive punches. 

The other man, Donny, took a cheap shot to Cas’s throat. He fell to his knees, grabbing at the debilitating pain. Donny took the opportunity to tackle Cas onto the ground and land harsh blows on his jaw and cheek. 

Fueled by pain, anger and the crowd's jeers, Cas shoved Donny off of him. They both scrambled to their feet and waited for the other to make the next move. 

Cas’s adrenaline propelled him forward, he tried to tackle Donny but he was so tired. His legs started to feel heavy and immobile. That’s when he felt the last fist make contact with his cheek; Donny had taken yet another cheap shot and knocked Cas out. The announcer grabbed Donny’s arm and declared him the winner.

The betters in the room were either ecstatic or pissed; most of them the latter. The drunk men started to berate Cas, who had just started to get his bearings back.

That’s when one extremely drunk asshole harshly kicked Cas’s side; all the air seemed to fly out of Cas’s lungs as he coughed and tried to get up. He was met with another kick, then another, and another. 

Bobby had seen enough. He emerged from the shadows, “Hey! Get off of him!” Bobby’s gruffness easily scared off the booze-bags. He stuck out his calloused hand and heaved Cas off the floor. 

The blood on his face and the hitch in his walk were obvious indicators of the pain the teenager was feeling. Bobby helped lead him back into the main part of the bar where he bought Cas a glass of whiskey and sat in one of the back tables, “Alright, you’re going to tell me what is going on right now or you’re going to be out of a job.” 

Cas easily drains half the glass and runs his hands over his face and through his hair, far too tired to fight, “My parents lived in Seattle while Anna and I were here. You know about two months ago, my mom died. My father killed her. And don’t get me wrong, I am eternally grateful for you giving me a job so quickly but it’s just not enough money to support Anna and I. Fighting gives me some extra cash.”

Bobby shook his head, “Son, I can’t have you doing this to yourself. I’ll lend you the cash.”

“I couldn’t ask you to do that.” Cas didn’t want to be a burden. He didn’t need people ’s charity, he could do this alone.

Bobby’s face told him that, that was total bullshit, “I’m offering.”

Knowing he’d been beat but still couldn’t just take somebody’s money, Cas supplied, “I’d rather pick up some extra hours and earn the money.”

Bobby smiled but it almost seemed sad, “Of course you would… Cas, listen to me. My dad used to throw me and my mom around. I wasted a long time being angry and alone. Don’t throw away your life.” 

Cas could feel the tears start to build behind his eyes so he drained the other half of the whiskey. He messed up, with Dean, with Anna, with school, with himself. 

Bobby’s voice cut him off, “By the way, what the hell happened with you and Dean? Kid’s a mess.”

Of course, he is, Cas was an asshole. He hurt Dean, he made him feel used and lonely. He did the one thing he was trying to protect Dean from. By trying to protect him, Cas was the one hurting him.

“I messed up really bad. I took my own issues out on him… do you think he’d ever forgive me?”

Bobby smiled at Cas, “Maybe be honest with him. Tell him what’s going on and why you did the things you did… anyway, it’s getting late. I have my truck, we can but your bike in the back.”  
They quickly left the bar and used some wood Bobby had in the back of his truck to push Cas’s bike into the bed and then secure it with bungee cords. 

When Bobby dropped Cas off at his house, Cas looked up at him through his hair, that admittedly had gotten a little too long for his liking, “Thank you for everything.”

Bobby placed his hand on Cas’s shoulder, the way a father would, “Anytime, son.”

It was already late at night when Cas got home so he decided to wait and call Dean in the morning. That night was restless as Cas thought about the words he would say to even try and explain himself to Dean.

When he called the next day, Cas was praying that Dean would even answer. Thankfully he did but Dean didn’t sound too happy about Cas calling. He answered the phone and definitely didn’t sound happy, “What?”

“Look, I know you don’t want anything to do with me but please, I need to explain myself to you.” 

Dean didn’t want to hear Cas out. He didn’t want to see those big blue eyes tell him that he’s sorry but he heard himself say, “Fine. Your house?”

Cas breathed out a sigh of relief, “Please.”

Trying not to seem too anxious to see Cas, Dean waited a half hour before heading to the Novak’s. Knocking on the front door, Dean prayed that Cas wasn’t bleeding, drunk or crying. He almost got what he wanted.

When Cas opened the storm door, Dean could see the tears already pooling in his blue eyes. As Cas stepped to the side, Dean walked in. He was about to make a closed off comment about how he’s not interested in hearing excuses but he didn’t have a chance.

As soon as the door was closed, Cas’s shaking voice broke the tense silence, “Dean… I’m sorry for being so terrible for you. You didn’t deserve any of that and god—I’m just so scared…”

Nothing could stop Dean from attaching himself to Cas. He threw his arms around the older boys tense shoulders as Cas securely wrapped Dean in a tight hug. 

Dean heavily sighed, relief flooding through him, “You need to tell me what’s going on with you. All I want is to help you.”

Cas refused to let go of Dean but he wanted to sit with him so Cas heaved Dean up, allowing him to wrap his legs around Cas’s waist as Cas carried Dean back to his room.

When they got there, Cas gently laid Dean down on the bed and kept his arms tightly wound around him. When they were both comfortable and Dean’s head buried in Cas’s chest, he began, “In Seattle, I was just coming to terms with being gay. I had my first boyfriend, Alfie, I mentioned him to you. These two assholes found out; they tormented him and he rightfully dumped me, it was my fault anyway. They started to assault him and me and bully us. Then they told my dad and he started beating me. If that wasn’t bad enough, then they told the rest of the school. I just can’t have you get hurt like that…”

Dean gently interrupted him, “Cas, you don’t have to worry about me. The only person in this school that has an issue with being gay is Alastair. But please, tell me the rest.” Dean kept rubbing soothing circles on Cas’s back as he continued.

“Then my dad started to hit Anna… I couldn’t watch the same thing happen to her so I got a hold of Gabe and he let us move into his house while he was overseas. Anna and I moved here and I realized even with my job at Bobby’s, I’m not going to have nearly enough money for us. So, I started fighting…”

Dean looked up at him with a confused face so Cas explained, “… for money.” 

Dean seemed completely taken back by that as he stuttered out, “What like fight club?”

Cas couldn’t help but chuckle at Dean’s question. He had missed him so much, “Pretty much. That’s why I have the bruises and bloody knuckles.”

Dean held Cas even closer, “Cas… if you would have told me, I could have helped you.”

“I can’t depend on other people.”

Dean pulled away so he could look at Cas, “Why not?”

Cas broke off eye contact and muttered, “Everyone leaves.”

Dean caressed Cas’s face, gently forcing them to make eye contact, “Not me.”

Unlike all their other kisses, this one wasn’t harsh or rushed, it wasn’t lust filled or desperate; it was slow and sweet. This was the first time Dean felt like he was actually kissing Cas; the fullness of his lips, the warmth of his mouth, the softness of his hands. 

Dean pulled away a few centimeters and whispered against Cas’s lips, “I missed you so much.”

Cas securely held Dean and bumped their noses together, “I missed you too, baby.”

After a few more minutes of kissing, Dean pulled away again and laid his head on the pillow, “If we are seriously going to do this I need two things from you; one, stop drinking. I can’t see you go down the same road as my mom. Two, you have to let me in.”

Holding Dean’s hand Cas ran his thumb over Dean’s knuckles, “Of course, I’ll do anything for you."


	12. I Will Promise You My Love

On a day when neither Dean or Cas had work, Dean drove them out to a quiet field. Anna and Sam were at Ellen’s studying for their English midterm so the boyfriends could take their time together. Even in the dead of winter, Dean and Cas found their ways to keep warm in the back seat of the Impala.

They were lazily kissing each other when Dean whispered, “Cas, will you fuck me?” 

They hadn’t touched each other since they got back together and now, two weeks after they made up, both of them were aching for more. 

Cas kissed Dean’s perfect lips one more time before answering, “Of course I will, baby. Lay down for me.” As Cas stripped off Dean’s shirt, he placed slow kisses over his lightly freckled-covered chest, “Fuck…you’re so perfect.”

Dean bit his lip as Cas carefully unbuttoned his jeans and tugged them off of Dean’s lean legs. He slowly licked Dean’s hard cock that was still covered with the thin layer of his boxers. 

Dean moaned at the delicious warmth of Cas’s tongue. When he felt the tight elastic band drag over his erection followed by Cas’s lips wrapping around his shaft, Dean’s moans filled the dark car. 

Cas felt Dean’s beautiful cock brush against the back of his throat and the younger boy squirm under his hands, it wasn’t until he felt Dean tap his shoulder that he realized that Dean was grabbing a small bottle of lube that was under the seat. Cas pulled off of Dean’s cock and smirked at him, “Have you been planning this, you little sneak?”

Dean’s cheeks flushed as he spread his legs wider, giving Cas better access to his needy hole. Cas slicked up his fingers and pushed one into Dean. Hearing Dean’s gorgeous moans, drove Cas crazy. He quickly pushed another finger into him and stretched out his tight hole. 

Dean was rubbing his lube covered hand over his length when Dean breathlessly whimpered, “Can I ride you?”  
“Anything you want, baby.” Cas laid down on the Impala’s back seat as Dean positioned himself over Cas’s hard, flushed cock. When Cas held onto Dean’s hips it was more reassuring than firm and when Dean sunk onto Cas’s cock he whimpered at the fullness. Dean slowly fucked himself on Cas’s cock and reached for his boyfriend’s hand. Cas gladly took it and tightly held on. 

Dean threw his head back as Cas brushed against his prostate. Desperate for more, Dean quickened his pace, chasing the glorious, hot feeling in his gut. 

Cas’s deep voice filled the silence, “Tell me how it feels.” Hearing Dean’s whimpers in response, Cas planted his feet on the leather seat and thrust up into Dean’s tight heat.

“You feel so good, Cas. You make me want to cum so bad. Please, I need you.” Dean needed more, with every thrust from Cas he was pushed closer and closer to the edge.

Cas grabbed Dean’s tense cock and pumped him, “You want to cum? Go ahead, baby. Cum all over me, I got you.”

With the next few twists of Cas’s hand, Dean came all over his boyfriend’s chest with a loud moan. The waves of pleasure ripped through him and were amplified when he felt Cas orgasm deep inside of him and grip tighter on his hips.

As they came back down from their highs, Dean laid down on Cas and let his head rest on Cas’s sweaty shoulder, “Holy shit…”

Cas chuckled low in his chest and brought his hands up to rub the smooth skin on Dean’s back, “Tell me about it, that was awesome.”

They laid together in a content, blissed-out silence until Cas kissed Dean’s cheek, “I love you, Dean.” 

Just when Dean thought his whole heart belonged to the dark haired boy, Cas goes and proves him wrong, “I love you too, Cas.”

After that, Dean and Cas were inseparable. They spent their days and as many nights as they could together. Dean even managed to convince Cas to go ice skating with him, Anna, and Sam. Before Dean and Sam picked up the brother and sister, Cas made sure Anna had on enough layers to keep her warm through a blizzard while Cas was only in his usual leather jacket.

When they got to the outdoor ice rink, Cas realized why Dean wanted to go so badly; the rink was a large circle, surrounded by a white wall with multiple strands of white, twinkling lights on it. Everybody there looked like they were out of a movie scene; gracefully gliding around the ring. 

The four of them walked up to the make-shift shed and purchased four sets of skates. After helping each other tightly lace up their skates, they shakily walked towards the ice. 

With Sam’s experienced advice, Anna quickly picked up on the skill, easily gliding across the ice. 

Cas on the other hand… not so much. He clung to the white stone wall and refused to move. Dean put his hands on Cas’s hips over the smooth leather, “Let go, Cas. I got you.”

“No. I can’t do this.” Cas’s white-knuckle grip stayed firmly planted on the wall.

Dean pried one of his boyfriend’s hands off the wall and starts to drag him away from the wall, followed by Cas’s panicked protests. 

Dean tried to speak calmly and encourage Cas but his terrified expression only made Dean crack up into a fit of laughter.

Cas brooded at him, “Dean! This isn’t funny!” In his annoyance, Cas reached out to swat at Dean’s shoulder causing him to slip and struggle to find his balance. In his desperate flailing, Cas ended up falling flat on his ass. 

Dean couldn’t contain his laughter any longer as he laughed so hard, he started crying, “C—Cas, I’m sorry… A—Are you okay?”

“This isn’t funny!” Cas’s face was bright red as he repeated himself, crossing his arms and pouting, “I really despise you right now.”

Strangers skated around them as Dean tried to heave Cas to his feet but to his dismay, he only ended up falling on top of Cas. 

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean, holding him on the ice. Dean groaned at the chill that spread through him, “Let me up, you jerk!”

From across the rink, Sam and Anna skated over, perplexed by the sight of their older brothers flopping around like idiots on the ice. Anna sticks out her hand to Cas, who no longer had dean on top of him. 

Instead of accepting her help, he did what big brothers do best and messed with her. He grabbed her arm and pulled her onto the ice between him and Dean and proceeded to tickle her until she was threatening to pee her pants. 

She punched both of their arms and loudly complained, “You guys are so embarrassing!”

Sam ended up having to help each of them up off the ice. Dean was suddenly thankful for all those early morning hockey practices he had to bring Sam to. 

Once they were back on their feet, Cas still clung to Dean’s hand but was starting to let go of his fear. When he finally started to move his feet and no rely on Dean for momentum, Dean gave him encouragement and a quick kiss, “See? You got this!” 

Cas shot him back a grumpy look that was quickly taken over by a goofy smile, “You’re such a dork.”

Dean moved to Cas’s side and took his hand instead of dragging him around, “Yeah… but I’m your dork.”

They skated for a while longer until their bright red cheeks and numb fingers told them it was time to stop. 

After returning their skates, they drove to the Roadhouse and ordered hot chocolates and warm sandwiches. It was exactly what they all needed after a long, fun, freezing day. When Dean and Cas were done eating and waiting for Anna and Sam to finish, Cas wrapped his jacket around Dean’s still-cold body and snuggled him close to his side, pressing kisses on his head. 

That happy, winter day was followed by one full of uncertainty; Mary came home from rehab the next day. The first thing she did when she saw her sons was wrap them both up in a welcoming hug. In seconds, they all had tears in their eyes. 

Dean wept into his mother’s long, blonde hair; as much as she had hurt him, Mary was his mother and Dean loved her. He missed the rare minutes when she would be sober and return back to the Mary she used to be before John’s death.

When they finally got settled at home, Sam cooked a pasta dinner for the three of them. Mary asked them dozens of questions about how school was going and how their friends were. It wasn’t until Mary asked if the boys were dating anyone.

Sam easily said no but Dean took a long drink of water before answering, “Yeah… his name is Cas.”

Thankfully, Mary seemed unfazed by ‘his’ but supportively answered him, “Oh, that’s great, honey but I’m going to need to meet this young man…. tonight.” 

Dean sputtered for a second, “Wait… what?”

“I’d like to meet him tonight. It’s still early and I’ve missed so much in just two months, I would love to meet your boyfriend.” Mary seemed genuinely upset about not having any idea that Dean was dating Cas.

“Yeah… I’ll text him.” Dean pulled out his phone and sent a text to Cas.

D: ‘Hey, you free tonight?’  
C: ‘Yeah, you looking for some 8==D? ;)’  
D: ‘No, you pervert. My mom wants to meet you.’  
C: ‘Oh, in that case… I’m busy.’  
D: ‘Don’t be a dickhead.’  
C: ‘Fine, only because I love you.’  
D: ‘You’re the best. Maybe I’ll repay you ;)’  
C: ‘Now you’re speaking my language.’

Ten minutes later, Cas was about to leave his house when he texted Dean again

C: ‘Baby, is it okay if Anna comes? I feel bad leaving her alone.’  
D: ‘Of course.’

Cas and Anna both hopped on the Sportster and quickly drove to Dean’s house. Cas had made the decision to try and dress a little nicer than usual. With Anna’s help, Cas had tried his best to smooth out his hair, put on a pair of clean jeans that didn’t have holes or rips in them. He also switched out his usual biker boots for clean sneakers. Anna helped him pick out a clean but casual black t-shirt; she did insist that he kept on his leather jacket because it, “Gave him his power.” 

When Dean opened his front door he gave Cas a strange look, instantly picking up on Cas’s difference in appearance. He opted to not say anything as Mary walked up behind him.

She happily stuck her hand out for Cas to shake, “It’s so nice to meet you, Cas.” Turning to his little sister, Mary shook her hand as well, “Anna, right? It’s nice to meet you as well. Please, come in.” 

Mary stepped to the side so Cas and Anna could come in. Dean smiled at Cas who put his hands on Dean’s waist and gave him a sweet kiss. 

Mary smiled at them before leading them into the living room where Sam was reading a comic book. Anna bounced up to him and sat down next to him, starting an easy conversation about what part of the comic he was reading. 

Mary sat down in her recliner while Cas and Dean sat next to their siblings on the couch, “So, Cas, tell me about yourself.” 

“Anna and I moved to Lawrence a few months ago, I work at Bobby’s shop…um… I love your son.” 

Everyone but Cas seemed to laugh at that; not because it wasn’t true but because Cas was actually nervous and awkward for once.

Mary sweetly smiled at him, “Good, I’m glad. Now tell me, is that your bike?”

Cas didn’t know if she was upset or not about him riding a bike so he just decided on the truth, “Yes but any time Dean is with me I make sure he wears a helmet and I drive extra carefully.” 

Seeing just how nervous Cas was, Dean put his hand on Cas’s leg, “Yeah, mom. Cas takes good care of me.”

Mary beamed at the two boys, “Good now… who wants to see baby pictures?”

Dean’s green eyes went wide at the idea, “No! …Unless they’re Sammy’s.”

She stood up to go retrieve the dusty old albums, “I think we can arrange that.” When she came back with the  
albums, both boys were complaining but Cas and Anna were excitedly waiting.

With every picture Mary showed them, Dean’s cheeks grew redder and redder. Then came the birthday pictures. Mary handed Cas a picture of a young man with short black hair and a huge smile on his face, he was holding a naked baby Dean who was completely covered in cake, “This is my John and Dean on his first birthday.” 

Dean covered his bright red face with his hands and cringed, “Oh my god, mom… please.” 

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean and gave him a tight hug, “Awe, baby. Look how cute you were!”

Dean flicked Cas’s nose, “I hate you all.” But of course, he didn’t. Sam and Anna were happily laughing, Mary was home, sober and healthy and above all, Dean had Cas’s arms warmly wrapped around him.


	13. Through The Good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a quick smut/fluff chapter :)

Valentine’s Day. Horrible, scary, intimidating, insecure, awkward, high-expectation bullshit. How was Cas supposed to know what to do? Flowers? Chocolate? Grand romantic gesture? At a complete loss and the dreaded day quickly approaching, Cas enlisted the help of Charlie.

At school, he strolled up to her in the hall, “Hey, Charlie.”

The redhead smiled back at him, “Hey, Cas. What’s up?” 

Cas reached out to help Charlie carry the stack of books and computer equipment she had in her arms, “Well, you know Dean a lot more than I do and I know you and Jo have been together for a while and I was just wondering… what should I do for Valentine’s Day?”

They walked the emptying hallways as Charlie bounced with joy, “You have come to the right lesbian! I recommend a nice dinner but not the Roadhouse, somewhere you guys have to dress up but as for a gift… I’m not sure. I usually get Jo a vibrator so that’s an option. Or you could get him something sentimental.” 

Cas chuckled and helped Charlie carry the computer parts into the tech lab, “Well, thank you, Charlie. You’ve certainly given me a lot to think about.” 

“You better let me know what you come up with!” She called after Cas as he walked back into the hallway, ideas already blossoming in his mind.

On the night in question, Cas grumpily pulled on his suit before walking downstairs to ask Anna what she thought.

“Awe! Cassie, you look so nice!” She fussed with his black suit jacket and the white collar of his dress shirt. 

Before he left to pick up Dean, Cas dropped Anna off at Ellen’s. Since Bobby was stuck in New Hampshire while visiting an old friend, Ellen had offered to hang out with Anna so Cas and Dean could spend the night together. 

Cas pulled up to Dean’s house and got off his bike, quickly running to the front door to escape the freezing air, he tried to smooth out his helmet hair. As he knocked on the door, Cas fussed with his jacket, murmuring, “Freaking monkey suit… stupid love day… stupid boyfri—.” 

Dean opened the front door with a smile on his face that quickly faded, “Hey, Cas! Oh my god… you look fucking amazing.”

Cas tried to hide his blush with a grumpy face, “So do you, baby.” 

Dean invited Cas in from the cold, “Apparently, I’m underdressed. Wait for two seconds?”

After giving Cas a quick kiss, Dean ran up the stairs stripping off his flannel and t-shirt on the way up. In his room, he pulled on his black suit, white button up and a green tie, that perfectly complimented his eyes, before running back downstairs. 

Cas stood up from is spot on the couch and waltzed over to Dean before grabbing his tie and pulling the slightly smaller boy close to him, looking at him with a predatory look in his blue eyes, “Mmm… perfect, perfect boy.”

Dean blushed and squirmed under Cas’s stare, “Stop or we will never make it out of this house.”

Chuckling at his flustered boyfriend, Cas helped him put on his car coat over his suit. They walked outside and decided at the last minute to drive the Impala instead of Cas’s bike due to the increasingly icy temperatures. 

Cas gave Dean directions to a nice Italian restaurant that was a few towns over. The drive was filled with both of them goofily singing rock ballets to each other. It was loud and ridiculous and everything they loved about each other. 

Dinner was delicious and perfect. Dean decided to flick water at Cas the whole time and act innocent while he did it. Cas glared at him until Dean looked away, that’s when Cas took an ice cube and chucked it at Dean’s head. The face he sent Cas was priceless. They had to stifle their laughter to avoid the bitch faces the other diners were sending their way. 

After they ate and started to drive home, Cas noticed Dean getting antsy, “You okay, baby?” 

Dean adjusted his grip on the wheel for the millionth time, “Yup.”

Cas gave him a once over, his eyes catching on the bulge growing in Dean’s pants, “Oh… you’re very okay.” 

Dean stepped on the gas, driving faster back to his house, “Cas? Just so you know… we are going to have the house to ourselves tonight.” 

“Perfect. You’ll be able to scream my name nice and loud for me.” 

Cas thought Dean was going to have a heart attack when he said that. Luckily they were able to get back to Dean’s in only a few minutes. When they did get back, Cas waited until Dean was out of the car before picking him up and throwing him over his shoulder. Dean giggled when Cas smacked his ass and carried him through the front door, practically running up to Dean’s bedroom. 

Cas tossed him onto the bed as they both started to strip off their suits. Dean stopped before taking his pants off, “Sit on the bed.” It wasn’t often that Dean gave Cas an order in bed so when he did, Cas couldn’t ignore the mischievous glint in his eyes.

Complying, Cas sat on the edge of the bed as Dean moved to stand in front of him. Dean slowly took off his belt and slid his pants down over his legs, showing Cas the pair of lacy red panties he had on. 

Cas’s breath hitched at the sight of his boyfriend’s tight cock outlined by the thin red fabric, “I am one lucky son of a bitch.” 

Dean smirked and turned around dropping his panties and bending over, revealing the black butt plug that was fit snugly in him.

Cas moaned, “Oh my god. You stretched yourself out for me, didn’t you?” The pressure against his cock was becoming too much so Cas quickly took off his pants and held his arms out, inviting Dean in. 

Knowing exactly what Cas wanted and how to drive him crazy, Dean straddled his boyfriend’s naked lap and took both of their cocks into his hand, stroking them together. He moved forward to kiss Cas but just barely brushed their lips together and whispered, “Will you eat me out?”

Cas smirked at him and wrapped his hands around Dean’s waist, manhandling him onto his hands and knees. 

He grabbed at Dean’s ass and slowly pulled out his plug, twisting it and gently fucking him with it before pulling it out all the way. Some of the lube Dean had used earlier to stretch himself out leaked out of his ass. Cas smacked his ass before cleaning up the lube with his tongue. He felt Dean shiver under his touch. 

“Fuck, Cas. Oh my god, that feels so good.” Dean moaned and pushed his ass back further. 

Cas spread Dean’s ass and covered Dean’s needy hole with his warm wet tongue, teasingly pushing it in and out of the ring of muscles. 

Dean jumped at the contact. Nobody had done this for him before but he never imagined that it could have ever felt this good. His cock was heavy and leaking against the mattress, “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Cas, please… oh my god.” 

The room was filled with the obscene noises of Cas licking and sucking at Dean and Dean’s gorgeous moans.

Cas licked him until Dean was practically sobbing, “Cas… please. I need more. I need you to fuck me.” 

“Sure thing, baby.” Cas quickly grabbed the lube and slicked up his length before smoothly pushing into Dean. Cas grabbed onto his boyfriend’s hips and rocked into him. They were both desperate for release so when Cas started to roughly fuck Dean, neither of them were complaining. 

As promised, Dean screamed Cas’s name until he was hoarse. Cas didn’t cum until he felt Dean clench around him and finish hard onto the sheets. When Cas’s orgasm ripped through him, his vision went almost white as he came deep into Dean.

After they were both thoroughly spent, Cas pulled out of Dean and walked to the bathroom to get a washcloth. Back on the bed, he gently cleaned off Dean then himself. Dean’s green eyes were already closing by the time Cas laid down next to him. Wrapping the blankets around both of them, Cas took Dean’s hand in his and slid off the black, metal ring he usually wore before putting it on Dean, “You really do mean the world to me. I love you so much, Dean.”

Dean’s sleepy, loving reply made Cas understand exactly what it meant to love somebody, “ I love you more, Cas.”


	14. And Through The Bad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of vomit.

On June 5th, Dean and Cas picked up Charlie and Jo in the Impala at ten in the morning. They each had on a navy blue robe and matching graduation cap. When they got to the school, the four best friends took celebratory photos together. During the speeches, they all shot each other funny looks from their separate seats. 

With diplomas in hand, Dean, Cas, Jo, and Charlie all went to the Roadhouse for celebratory milkshakes. They planned out this summer to be the best one of their lives before college had to start. Charlie was going to MIT, Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Jo planned to go to UNH, University of New Hampshire, Dean got accepted to KSU, Kansas City University, and Cas was going to WSU, Wichita State University. 

There were times that Cas could still be an asshole and fly off the handlebars at times but Dean stopped taking his shit and just gave him the, ‘You’re being a gigantic asshole’ face and Cas quickly realizes what he’s doing. Dean knows under Cas’s issues, he really does love Dean. 

They spend most nights together. Wherever they go, their siblings usually come with them. They were never the older siblings that were embarrassed by their little brother or sister, they loved spending time together. 

On one hot summer night towards the end of June, they all decided to stay at Dean’s house. Mary cooked a delicious dinner and they all went to bed full and happy after watching some comedy movies together. 

It wasn’t until three in the morning that Cas woke up to an empty bed. He reached to where Dean usually slept, hoping to pull him close and quickly doze back off to sleep. Unfortunately, when he heard the retching coming from down the hall, Cas knew he wasn’t going to get any more sleep that night. 

Sleepily running a hand through his bed hair, Cas pulled on some pajama pants and padded down the hall. Cas could see the bathroom light on from under the door. He slowly pushed it open and found Dean throwing up into the toilet, “Baby, what’s going on?”

Through heaves, Dean groaned, “Sick.”

“Oh, Dean. Alright, hold on. I’ll be right back.” Cas quickly ran to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water, aspirin, crackers before running to Dean’s room and grabbing a pillow and a blanket from the bed. 

Back in the bathroom, Dean was still throwing up when Cas came back. Cas dropped his supplies and sat behind Dean, rubbing his back, “Alright, I got you. You’re okay.”

Dean emptied his stomach into the toilet and groaned, “I’m sorry I’m so disgusting.”

Cas soaked a washcloth in cold water and rubbing Dean’s bare, sweat-slick back with it, “Hey, no. Don’t say that, I don’t mind at all.” 

When Dean stopped vomiting, he leaned back against Cas who held the cool water bottle up to him and helped Dean drink, “There you go. Drink a little more for me, okay?” 

After taking another sip, Dean whined and pushed the water bottle away, “I feel disgusting.”

Cas wrapped Dean’s shivering body in the blanket, “Well, you look perfect.”

“Cas?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“You’re a horrible liar.”

They both had to laugh at that because it was true; Dean smelt like sweat and vomit, he was pale and shaky and was definitely not perfect at this moment. Still, Cas wrapped his arms around Dean and helped him lay down in their makeshift bed on the bathroom floor. 

In the morning, Dean’s temperature was 102.5. His vomiting started all over again while Cas held him and over the next two days, forced Dean to eat some crackers and toast and drink water. 

While Cas took care of Dean, Mary helped watch Anna and Sam and made sure they didn’t get sick. 

Finally, after two days of suffering, Dean started to feel better and was sleeping on the bathroom floor when he woke up to a disgusting noise at five in the morning, “Cas?” 

Leaning over the toilet and violently throwing up, Cas looked over his shoulder and glared at Dean, “Baby, you know I love you but right now… I hate you so much.” 

Dean felt so guilty for getting Cas sick, he quickly jumped up and took care of Cas the same way he had a few days ago.

Surprisingly, Cas actually lets Dean hold him for once. Even more surprisingly, Cas cries. Not little tears but sobbing. Cas buried his head between Dean’s neck and shoulder and cried while Dean kept his arms around Cas and took his temperature. 

“Jesus, Cas. Your temp is 104. How long have you been feeling sick?”

Cas shrugged and mumbled against Dean’s warm skin, “A day or so… wanted you to be okay.”

Dean shook his head disapprovingly, “Cas, you giant goof. I love you but sometimes you can be thick.” 

It wasn’t long after that when Dean felt the nausea hit him again. Soon, they were both throwing up and crying. 

Cas started laughing, “Hey, baby?”

Dean barely lifted his head up when he answered, “Yeah?” 

“We’re a hot mess.” Neither of them could deny the humor in that.

After another day of vomit and a hot shower later, they were both feeling much better and decided that a nice, long summer drive in the Impala was exactly what they needed after being cooped up in the bathroom for a week. 

As they drove down the two-lane highway, Cas gazed at Dean with loving eyes, “You’re so pretty.”

Dean blushed and smiled at Cas who gently held Dean’s free hand and ran his thumb over Dean’s knuckles, “So, baby… your birthday is coming up in a few weeks. Any idea what you want?”

“You.” When Dean smiled at Cas his freckles were so clear over his summer-sun tanned skin and laughing green eyes made Cas’s heart stop.

Cas smiled back at him and playfully pinched his cheek, “You’re too sweet. Really though, what do you think you want?” 

Again Dean answered, “You.” 

Laughing, Cas looked out the window at the golden glow the sunset painted in the sky, “Okay well then I guess I’m just going to have to figure something out...”


	15. But Love Can't Stop Fate, My Dear.

JULY 19th 5:03 PM

“Anna, I’m going to go to McLouth to pick up Dean’s birthday present. There’s a record store there that has an old Zeppelin record that he really wants so I’ll be back in like two hours tops. Do you want me to pick up some dinner on the way home?” 

Anna answered without looking up from her phone, “Sure, Cassie. I’ll see you later.”

Cas ruffled her long, red hair and walked towards the front door, “See you later, kiddo.” 

As Cas was pulling on his helmet, Anna came running out of the house while throwing on her light cardigan, “Cassie, wait! Can I come with you?”

Cas smiled at his little sister and pulled off his black helmet, handing it to her, “Of course you can, love.” 

Anna pulled the helmet over her head and once she was on the bike, securely wrapped her arms around Cas’s middle. He revved the engine and drove off towards the highway.

JULY 19th 6:45 PM

The Winchesters were in the middle of eating dinner with the Harvelle-Singers when Dean’s phone rang. Not wanting to disrupt dinner, Dean stepped into the kitchen to answer it. Once he was away from the full table, he answered, “Hello?”

A sweet voice on the other end started to speak calmly, “Hello, this is nurse Mosely calling from Lawrence Memorial Hospital. I have Anna and Castiel Novak here, Anna asked that we call you. Unfortunately, they were in a motorcycle accident tonight. We ask that you get to the hospital as soon as you can.” 

Dean doesn’t know how he managed to stutter out his answer, “Of course, I’ll be there as soon as I can.” He quickly hung up and ran past the table. Sloppily pulling on his shoes he heard a voice but couldn’t register who it was, “Dean? Are you okay?” 

He grabbed his keys and started to leave, unable to think through his shock. He had one foot out the door when Bobby roughly grabbed his arm, “Dean! Calm down, what’s going on?”

He only realized then that his hands were shaking and he had tears streaming down his face, “Cas and Anna were in an accident… they’re in the hospital. I have to go.” 

Bobby grabbed the Impala’s keys from Dean’s shaking hands and quickly found his own, “I’ll drive you, let’s go.” 

From the table Mary, Jo, Sam, and Ellen’s worried faces watched them but didn’t try to stop Dean, knowing that nothing could separate him and Cas at that moment. 

JULY 19th 5:27 PM 

Cas could feel the beautifully warm summer breeze on his skin and his baby sisters easy-going laugh from behind him. Going the speed limit, Cas enjoyed the straightforward, easy ride to the nearby city. 

He thought about how happy Dean’s smile would be when he saw the record that he’s been wanting for months. He thought about how Dean’s freckles completely covered his face now that they were in the summer months. He thought about the vacation they had been planning to go to the coast and enjoy a week by the beach. He thought about how happy they would—.” 

JULY 19th 7:01 PM

Dean’s stomach flopped and his palms were slick with sweat as he rushed up to the nurse’s station in the E.R. Nothing made sense. His world was spinning as he approached a kind looking woman, “Hi, I’m Dean Winchester. I’m looking for Cas and Anna Novak.” 

The African American woman gave him a sympathetic smile, “Of course, sweetheart. The police are speaking with Anna right now but since you were her emergency contact, you can go in.”

It was a wonder Dean’s unsteady legs could even carry him all the way to the ICU were Anna was laying in her pristine white hospital bed. She had a white cast on her right forearm, it was carefully placed in a sling around her neck. What Dean guessed to be road rash was covered in sterile bandages on her arms and shoulder. Two police officers were calmly talking to her but their voices sounded muffled, their voices unrecognizable. 

All Dean could think about was figuring out if Cas and Anna were okay. He was at her side in a second, “Anna, what happened?” 

Her usually joyful brown eyes were red and puffy; she didn’t answer, she only nodded in response.

Instead, one of the faceless cops answered, “They were driving down I-70 when a driver who was drunk slammed into them, sending the bike into the concrete barrier.” 

Unable to stop the waves of nausea, Dean ran out of the room back towards the nurse’s station. He hadn’t seen Cas yet. He needs to see Cas. He loves him. Where is he? With the tears again flooding his face, Dean raced towards the same nurse, a new sense of urgency in his voice, “Where is Castiel Novak? I need to see him now.”

As Dean yelled at the nurse, an older male doctor put a hand on Dean’s shoulder, “I’m Castiel’s doctor. Please come with me.” 

JULY 19th 7:15 PM

On their own account, Dean’s feet followed the doctor to a small, empty, quiet waiting room. Dean doesn’t remember sitting down. He doesn’t remember the doctor starting to talk to him. 

The next thing he does remember is the doctor shaking his shoulder, “Son? Did you hear me?” Somehow, Dean managed to shake his head so the doctor patiently repeated himself, “Fortunately, Anna was wearing a helmet so she has sustained minor injuries for the severity of the crash. Castiel however, was not wearing a helmet. He is getting a CT scan, we won’t know more until we see it.”

Dean felt his whole world stop. The waves of nausea became a tsunami as he walked over to the trash can in the corner of the room and threw up. Hitting his knees, Dean sobbed. 

Everything was happening too fast. Everything was okay an hour and a half ago. He was happy, Cas was okay. They were okay.

For the first time in a very long time, Dean prayed. He prayed to every God he could think of that Cas would be okay; that he didn’t hit his incredibly thick, stubborn skull. Then, he was reminded why he stopped praying.

JULY 19th 7:30 PM

Bobby came into the room a few minutes after the doctor told him the news. He pulled Dean close against his body, rocking the sobbing boy, trying desperately to calm him.

The next time the doctor came in, Dean knew it was over. He tried to stay hopeful but deep down… he knew. 

“His CT scan confirmed a severe brain bleed and a fractured skull. Right now, he is in a coma and on life-support.”

All the air was sucked out of Dean’s lungs. He couldn’t even cry.

The doctor saw the shock plastered on Dean’s face, the numbness in his eyes but unfortunately, he had to continue, “We can keep him on life-support for 30 days but right now we don’t see any evidence of brain activity… you can see him if you’d like.”

With Bobby’s support, Dean numbly followed the doctor to another room in the ICU. 

JULY 19th 8:00 PM

Dean finally managed to walk into the room. Bobby waited outside to call their family members. Cas’s usually spiky black hair was held down by clean, white bandages. His fractured arm was by his side in a cast. His three-day stubble covered chin had a stitched cut on it. He had road rash on his cheek and arms. 

Dean broke down as he took Cas’s uninjured hand in his. He sobbed as he kissed Cas’s cheek and tried to ignore the tube down his throat and the constant hiss and beep of the machines that were keeping him alive. 

He gripped onto his boyfriend’s hand, everything became too much, “Hey, Cas. What happened? I… I told you to wear your helmet… I begged you… I—… fuck. I love you so much. Just open your eyes, please.”

JULY 21st 10:48 AM

Neither Dean or Anna left Cas’s side during the three days until Gabe got there. Mary, Bobby, Ellen, even Jo, and Charlie tried desperately to get them to sleep and eat but to no avail. Dean slept every night with his head on Cas’s shoulder. He dreamt of their days spent together and the peaceful nights. He dreamt of laughing eyes and sweet smiles, soft touches, and loving words but when he woke up all he felt was the artificial beat of Cas’s heart.

On the 21st he woke up to a different voice and Anna’s familiar sobs. Easing open his eyes, Dean saw Gabe, still in his green fatigues, holding Anna on his lap. When Gabe saw Dean looking at him, he tried to crack a smile, “Hey, Romeo.” 

Dean adjusted his grip on Cas’s hand and gave him a good morning kiss on his healing cheek; the same way he did when they would wake up in bed together, only this time Cas didn’t groan and pull Dean against him. He didn’t smell like morning-after sex and his cologne. He didn’t beg for, “Please, baby… just five more minutes.” Cas just laid in his hospital bed with the machines steady hiss and beep. Breath in. Breath out. Breath in. Breath out.

AUGUST 18th 1:09 PM

“Dean? Sweetheart, it’s time.” Nurse Mosely spoke calmly and sympathetically. Over the past month, all the nurses on rotation had grown close with Cas’s family. Through stories they would all tell, the nurses had even grown to love Cas.

Dean clung to Cas’s hand and brushed his thumb over his cheek. He begged and pleaded through his desperate sobs, “You have to wake up. Please, Cas wake up.” As usual, Dean got nothing in reply. Family in the room or not, Dean got pissed, “Fuck you! Wake up! You made me love you, you selfish son of a bitch! You don’t get to leave me!”

His sobs were joined by everyone. Gabe quickly walked over to him and pulled Dean into a hug along with Anna. 

Dean hit his knees and sobbed against Gabe’s shoulder, “I love you, wake up… don’t leave me, Cas. You can’t just leave me... I love you.”

AUGUST 18th 1:15 PM

“Once we unplug him, it can take a while for him to let go. You can all sit with him.” 

AUGUST 18th 1:20 PM 

Mary, Sam, Dean, Anna, Gabe, Jo, Charlie, Bobby, and Ellen sat with Cas as the nurse pulled out his ventilation tube. 

Anna and Gabe sat on Cas’s left side and Dean sat on the right. While the heart rate monitor was still beeping, Dean leaned forward and kissed Cas’s lips for one more time, “I love you, Cas. Everything will be okay, I’m here.”

Castiel died August 18th at 1:47 PM. That day, the sky was the same summertime blue as his eyes. God… his eyes. Dean would never see them again; instead, he dreamt of those eyes every night. How they could change from lust-filled to loving, from happy to rage-filled, from sad to laughing. No matter what those eyes were projecting, they were always Cas.  
Without Cas by his side, everything felt strange. Driving down the roads in Lawrence didn’t feel the same; they weren’t freeing and open, they felt like a life sentence in jail. 

Lying in bed wasn’t for relaxing and spending loving nights together, it was a dark pit that Dean couldn’t climb out of.

AUGUST 25th 9:34 AM

The funeral was four days ago, it was small; only the people who were close with Cas were there. When Anna spoke, she couldn’t get half of her eulogy out without breaking down in tears. 

Sitting back down in her chair, Charlie put an arm around her and whispered, “It’s okay. He knows… he knows.” 

When Dean spoke surprisingly, he started laughing, “Cas thought that these things were weird but he thought that a lot of things were weird. He was so funny about somethings… he was perfect and I—I love him so much.”

Dean didn’t want to say anymore. The things he wanted to say to Cas weren’t for anyone else to hear.

However, today was the day that Anna was moving back to Seattle to live with Amara. Before she left for the airport she stopped at Dean’s house holding a cardboard box, “This is some of Cas’s stuff. I know he would have wanted you to have them.” 

Dean hugged Anna one more time before she turned and walked out of his life.

When he was back in the safety of his room, Dean opened the box and didn’t bother trying to hold back his tears. The first thing Dean saw was Cas’s old, well-used copy of “Great Expectations”. Dean cradled the delicate pages in his fingers before gently placing the book on his bed. When his fingers wrapped around the smooth black leather of Cas’s jacket, Dean couldn’t help but smile at the memories they shared together. Inside the jacket, Anna had tucked a delicate flower crown made of white, green, and blue flowers. Dean's mind couldn't help but think of the future they wouldn't have together.

Under his jacket was Cas’s favorite flannels. It was red and black and soft from being worn so often. Dean pulled it on and let the familiar smell of Cas comfort him.

The last thing in the cardboard box was a stack of pictures that Cas had been taking of them over the past few months.

He laid down on his bed, cradling Cas’s jacket and running his thumb over the smooth black, metal ring Cas had given him while looking at the Polaroid pictures. The first one was them leaning against Cas’s bike; Cas had his arm around Dean’s shoulders. It was the middle of May and they both had t-shirts and smiles on. On the bottom of the picture Cas wrote: ‘Dean finally stopped freaking out about my bike.’ 

Everyone agreed on junking what was left of Cas’s bike. Cas would have been pissed but he wasn’t here to make the decision. 

The next one was them sitting in their usual booth in the Roadhouse: ‘Dean made me try Ellen’s “Heart Attack Burger”. I need bypass surgery.’ Dean chuckled at the memory of him and Cas having a contest of who could actually finish the enormous hamburger. Of course, they both got ridiculously sick. 

One of the more recent ones was both of them resting their heads on the toilet bowl when they had the stomach flu. Ever the comedian, Cas wrote: ‘The couple who suffers together, stays together.

The last picture was the one that got Dean. He was asleep on Cas’s chest with “Great Expectations being held open on his bare shoulders. Cas’s tattooed arm was holding Dean against him as he pressed a kiss to his head. Under the picture, Cas wrote: ‘I will marry this boy someday. I love him more than words could ever say.’ 

As Dean fell asleep that night, their last phone call played over and over in his head. Cas had called him before he left the house and got on his bike. He could hear Cas’s deep, sweet voice, “Yes, I’ll be safe. I love you so much, baby, I’ll talk to you later.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... that's it. Let me know what you thought? xxx


	16. Epilogue

Dean stepped through the front door of his childhood home in Lawrence dragging his large duffle bag of dirty laundry over the threshold. He had just finished moving out of his dorm at Kansas State University; most of his belongings were already home, including his diploma for engineering that was framed in the living room. With his degree, Bobby gladly gave him a job at the garage until he could get his own setup and now, at twenty-three it was time to start his own business.

The empty house wasn’t creepy quiet instead it was peaceful. Mary and Sam were out looking for Sam’s first car, his gift for graduating high school.

After dropping his bag in the laundry room, Dean shuffled up to his room completely exhausted from the long day of finally moving out of college. His small bedroom looked the same as it did five years ago.

It didn’t take Dean long to flop onto his bed, letting his eyes close until his phone beeped. Looking at the too-bright screen, Dean squinted at the new message from a slighter older man he met in college, Benny. ‘Hey, if you’re back in Lawrence let me know if you want to grab dinner. I’m like 45 minutes away.’

Dean couldn’t help but smile at his phone as he answered, ‘Hell yes. Give me like 20 to shower?’

‘Sounds good. Roadhouse?’

Dean’s smile quickly faded as the familiar pang in his chest returned, ‘Somewhere else?’

‘Arthur’s?’

‘Perfect.’

About a half hour later, Dean met Benny in front of the small diner. Dean got a bit taller and stronger in the last few years but Benny was still larger, enveloping Dean in a tight hug. Benny’s dark beard and shining eyes made Dean’s stomach get tied in knots, his southern accent did little to help the butterflies in Dean’s gut, “Hey, Benny.”

As kind as the older man’s eyes were, he still looked at Dean like he was a snack, “Hey. How have you been?”

Dean answered him as they walked to an open table, “Good, you?”

“Better now that you’re here.” Dean couldn’t help but blush at Benny’s obviously flirtatious answer.

Sitting down, they both ordered a burger and caught up with each other. It wasn’t long before they were done with their meal and they decided to go over to Benny’s apartment. Dean followed Benny’s truck in his Impala. He lived only two towns over from Lawrence where he worked as a fireman.

Once they were inside the nice apartment, both Dean and Benny were on the same page. Benny’s warm hands on Dean’s hips were welcomed and not unfamiliar.

Dean eagerly kissed him back, wanting to be held and touched. He couldn’t help the soft moan that escaped his lips as Benny led Dean back to his bedroom. Their clothes easily fell off as their roaming hands became desperate. Benny held himself above Dean, passionately kissing him.

Both of them were obviously hard so when their cocks ground together, neither could contain their moans. Dean scratched his nails down Benny’s muscular back desperately searching for more.

When Benny wrapped a hand around Dean’s length, Dean moaned, “Cas… please.”

Benny stopped moving and rolled off of Dean, sitting up to take a deep breath.

Dean not noticing what happened, sat up with Benny and with a confused face asked what was wrong.

Benny, who wasn’t at all angry but sad for Dean sympathetically said, “You said his name again.”

Dean’s green eyes instantly filled with tears with how awful he felt, “…I’m so sorry. It was an accident, I just… I’m so sorry.”

Benny put his arm around Dean’s shoulders pulling him close against his side as he covered both of them with a blanket, “Don’t be sorry. I know you loved him and it’s hard to let go. I get it.”

Dean's shaking breath escaped his throat as his cheeks flushed with his sadness and embarrassment, “I think I should go.”

They put their clothes back on in silence and Benny walked Dean out. As they stood by the front door, Benny hugged him again but in a consoling way instead of a romantic one, “Dean? When you get to a better place, give me a call, okay?”

The tears in Dean’s eyes grew harder to ignore as he said goodbye, “Thank you.”

The drive home was one of the rougher ones Dean has had but he just focused on getting home and not breaking down on the highway.

When he got home, he said a quick hello to his mom and Sammy, who isn’t so little anymore, before going up to his room, taking two sleeping pills, and falling into a drug-supported sleep.

The next morning, Dean found the courage to do something he hadn’t done in far too long; he pulled the box Anna had given him out of the back of his closet. As he leaned against the side of his bed, he put the box next to him on the floor, taking a deep breath before opening it. Not being able to bring himself to look at the pictures, Dean only grabbed what he needed.

With Cas’s old flannel and the tattered copy of “Great Expectations” held closely on his lap, Dean drove in silence to the graveyard where Cas was buried.

The warm summer air was still and dry as Dean approached the upright grey headstone with Castiel’s name and angel wings engraved on it. Dean managed a weak smile as he sat facing the grave. Holding the red and black flannel close, Dean started to read the book he had read a million times.

After a few chapters, Dean placed the book next to him and ran his fingers over the soft well-worn fabric and started to speak, “I talked to Anna the other day. She’s doing really well, Cas. She graduated high school.” He hesitated for a moment before remembering something, “Oh, I have a picture.”

Dean pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and laid it against the headstone. In the photo, Anna was holding her high school diploma and was wearing a white graduation cap and gown with flowers on her cap. “She got tall. Her school colors were blue and white and she couldn’t wear a flower crown so she put them on her cap… I thought maybe you’d want to see.”

After a minute of silence, Dean couldn’t hold back his tears anymore, “Cas, I um… look, there’s this guy. He’s really sweet and I like him. He’s the first guy I’ve been really interested in since you. I loved you so much and I was going to marry you but… you’re gone. I know you wouldn’t want me to be miserable forever so I need you to forgive me.”

His tears streamed down his face as the wind started to pick up, “I still have the ring you gave me. I have everything… everything besides the most important thing… you.”

The sobs started to hurt Dean’s throat as he tried to choke out the rest of his prayer, “Cas… it’s not fair. I—I loved you so much. Fuck… who am I kidding? I still love you. I see you everywhere. Every time I see or hear a motorcycle, I can’t go to the Roadhouse anymore. Hell… I can’t even look in the back seat of the Impala.”

The wind continued to blow as Dean sobbed into the flannel, muffled by his hands, he silently spoke words only meant for Cas, “I miss you every day and I try like hell not to because you left me and I’m so angry but I can’t stay angry because I do love you so much.”

The sounds of the gusting breeze and Dean’s cries was interrupted by a noise; as clear as day, the call of a mourning dove. Dean jerked his head up as his eye caught the small bird sitting on the top of Cas’s grave.

As the bird and Dean stared at each other, a poem crossed Dean’s mind.

Hope is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul,

And sings the tune without the words,

And never stops at all.

With the next gust of wind, Dean could feel his tears drying on his freckle-covered cheeks. The pages of “Great Expectations” flipped until they abruptly stopped. When Dean looked down again, he was met with his favorite quote. Through the quiet, Dean whispered, “Thank you.”

* * *

 

That first gasping breath stung deep into Cas’s lungs. As soon as he could, he barely managed to choke out, “…Dean?”

His vision was faded and dark but slowly the walls and details of a room could be seen coming into view, “Dean?”

Growing equally more and less aware, Cas grew panicked as he searched for his love, “Dean?!”

When he heard Dean’s voice, soothing and loving, he instantly relaxed, “Cas? Why are you yelling? Come to bed.”

Cas turned towards the voice, now recognizing where he was; Dean’s bedroom on the Valentine’s day they had spent together. Dean was curled up in his blankets, holding out a hand to Cas with a love-drunk smile on his face.

Cas took a step towards the bed but was hit with a memory. The wind in his face. The rumble of his bike. The feeling of happiness. The thoughts of Dean’s smile and kissing that beautiful smile right off his face. Then… nothing. Nothing but a screech and one moment of the worst pain of his life. Then, nothing.

Cas looked down at his feet then back up at Dean, “I’m dead.”

The bright green of Dean’s eyes flickered and faltered for a moment, “Yeah, Cas. You’re dead.”

Taking Dean’s face in his hands, Cas started to apologize but was cut off by Dean putting a hand over his and whispering, “It’s okay, I’m here. You’re in heaven and I’m here. It’s going to be me and you forever.”

Cas let himself melt into Dean’s touch and finally crawl into the bed with him, holding his love close.

And they stayed there, in their own personal heaven until the day Cas woke up from the same nap as usual only this time, Dean wasn’t curled up with him. He was alone. Terrifyingly, desperately, and hopelessly alone, “Baby?”

Then he felt it. The longing. The heart-wrenching, horrific, painful longing, “Dean?”

Without needing to think about where he was going, Cas walked out of Dean’s house and down the street, just following the pain his boyfriend was in.

Eventually, he ended up at a grave with a man sitting in front of it. Looking down at the grave he saw his own name engraved on it. And the man in front of it? Dean. His Dean. The real Dean. Cas knelt next to him and reached out to touch his hand, “…baby?”

Looking closer, Cas saw the picture of Anna. He could hear Dean talking about her and for the first time in forever, he felt pain.

He moved his other hand onto the top of “Great Expectations” and whispered one of the quotes he could remember, “You have been in every line I have ever read.”

Cas’s blue eyes stayed trained on Dean’s face, trying to comprehend how he’s changed but still, he said, “You’re just as beautiful as I remember.”

Then, Dean started to talk about somebody named Benny. Cas listened intently as Dean sobbed over him. Cas needed to hold him and tell him it’s okay; instead, all that came out was another quote, “The agony is exquisite, is it not? A broken heart. You think you will die. But you just keep living. Day after day, after terrible day.”

He listened to Dean’s hurt words of grief and wanted to make it all go away but he couldn’t and somehow that hurt worse. He knew Dean couldn’t feel him there so he asked a dove to sit on his grave as he softly whispered a poem into Dean’s ear.

Using all his energy, Cas reached out to dry Dean’s tears. Thankfully, somehow, it seemed to work.

Growing tired, he flipped the pages of the book, searching for the right quote until he found it, “Once for all; I knew to my sorrow, often and often, if not always, that I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be.”

Cas watched Dean read it and lightly smile before whispering, “Thank you.”

Knowing he had told Dean that loving somebody else and letting go was okay and there was no reason to ask for forgiveness, Cas felt the pain start to ease. He stood and turned to see Dean standing behind him. Eighteen again and familiar from his heaven, Cas took his love’s hand and they started to walk towards Dean’s bedroom; towards happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, Katie, for the suggestion of writing an epilogue! I hope those of you who liked this story enjoy this. Much love xx.


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